While sending a message to a sister friends mom affectionately known as the one and only Mama Rhonda I realize that her message took on far more newer and deeper meanings in light of all of the conversations that have been happening in my classroom that I therefore cannot escape. Fortunately and unfortunately, I do not have the privilege to turn a blind eye, to be deaf to or to be ignorant to something; Once something has been made known to me. Fortunately, I am reserving and I know that I was made for such a time as this. Unfortunately, I am learning where and how to place my boundaries as this conversation continues and is exacerbated once again much like a single, beautiful snowflake that is later exacerbated and turns into an indoor avalanche.
In responding to Mama Rhonda by voice memo with this newfound perspective and refrain, I decided to share it with you. I’m saying as I’m dragging my feet kicking and screaming, not wanting to be obedient and live in my purpose every time. But here I am, once again, sharing what is happening and how I am managing to deal with all of this trauma that is reborn with the light of each new day. Rather than speak vaguely, curiously, absurdly and abstractly, I am sharing with you all my truth.
I’ll ever so cautiously and hesitantly but boldly invite you into my world to understand what one young, beautiful, smart, well-educated black woman’s experience is. In the words of my Soror Zora Neale Hurston, prolifiic and dynamic Black woman and author, “If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.” No longer will I be Silent nor silenced. Here are, in part, some of my thoughts because, well technology happened and I didn’t realize that it stopped recording.
I challenge you to allow my voice to be a siren. I challenge you to be moved by my words. I challenge you in the same way that an emergency vehicle’s siren announces it’s entrance and you are forced to move out of its way, I challenge you in love to do the same here. Did you hear my pleas of sadness, love, and anger? How will you be moved? Will you allow yourself to be moved? How will you show up the next time someone does or says something discriminatory? Will you think of me and my pain or will you pretend as though you never heard my story in the first place? Will you silence me and my suffering or will you bring attention and call it to light so that we can all collectively address the problems that we all face?
