Traumatic. Trauma. Shame. Forgiveness. Love. Wholeness. Completion. God.

It takes courage to heal from our shame. It takes courage to heal. And healing hurts. It’s a painful process but is required to live better, healthier, optimally, and well.

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Before we get this party started, there’s an important not so side side note: do you call God something else– Allah or Spirit or Higher Power or Universe or Doodle or Homie or anything else? Use your language where I use God. This isn’t about me or my beliefs, this is about seeking truth and in so doing, being liberated by it. Do you have doubts about or don’t believe in the bible? I’m not offended, do you, boo boo! God can handle it! Skip over it or read it as you would any fictional text– take the meaning you can from it and keeps it moving.

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God. Courage. Faith. Trust. Gifts. Abundance. Prosperity.

Trauma. Traumatic events. Unworthiness. Guilt. Shame.

Competence. Knowledge. Wisdom. Work. Confidence. God.

Gentleness. Self forgiveness. Self love. God’s love. Completion. Wholeness.

I don’t want these to just be words on the page. And for me, they’re not. They are things that happened to me. They’re ideologies and philosophies. They’re more than simply words, they are actions. They are beliefs. But even being is an action. Even to simply be takes work. Breathing. Heart pumping. Cells regenerating. Brain thinking. Muscles activated. Even being requires work.

“To be, or not to be, that is the question.”

William Shakespeare’s Hamlet

Being is an action. And sometimes– okay, oftentimes– I forget that being is work. It is action, after all. And I am God in action when I work. I am God in action when I am being.

These list of words are not just words they’re philosophies. They’re who I want to be. They’re who I am becoming. They are who I am. Who I was. They’re who God created and commanded me to be.

True self forgiveness is surrendering the hope that my past could have been different. That I could have changed it. That it could have been better. Shame is unforgiveness. Shame is wishing that I had the information then that I have now. Not only the information, but the wisdom, the courage, and the confidence to have chosen to do something different. To have done it better. Wiser. True self forgiveness says I didn’t have then all of that which I have now. True self-forgiveness and -love says I did the best I could with what little information I had.

I bury the shame… No, I uproot shame when I truly forgive and love myself. “Love is patient. Love is kind.” We know the verse. Another translation, the Message says:

No matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love. [Bankrupt thought?! Bruh, that’s broker than broke! Sorry, I di-Jo, please continue.]
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies”

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 MSG

I uproot shame when I truly forgive myself. I uproot shame when I truly love myself as 1 Cor. 13 tells us to love. As it defines love.

I uproot shame when I truly, sincerely, and deeply forgive and love myself for being who I was, no longer wishing who I was is who I am. I needed to be who I was to be who I am. And here we are, arriving once again at being.

Gentleness.

Can’t let that one slip by. We’re also called to be gentle with ourselves. It’s even a fruit of the Spirit!

God said to Moses, “I Am Who I Am”; and He said, “You shall say this to the Israelites, ‘I Am has sent me to you.’”

Exodus 3:14 AMP

I am everything that God says I am.

Now the funky part about it is that when I am not careful, when I’m not paying attention, when I am haphazard, when I am distracted, when I am lacking intention or clarity, I believe who I am is who other people say I am when I am really and truly always who God says I am:

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not be terrified or dismayed (intimidated), for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 1:9 AMP

Whatever follows “I am” is who I am. Who I believe myself to be. And my belief precedes who I know myself to be. My beliefs, no matter how limiting or small or large or abundant fuel who I become. Who I am. And that’s not just true for me, that’s true for everyone! Belief precedes action. Belief dictates and directs my work. Belief is who I am.

So be careful of what you say about yourself and others. Because what you say is what you believe is what you become is who you are.

Want to change who you are? Start with your words!

So if I’m tired, why say so? But there’s a fine line. I need to find a balance… No, I need to find harmony to create this beautiful chord, this melody, between stating how I truly am and am how I wish to be. Yes, I may be tired but I want to feel energized so I get to say so! I get to make the leap and say who I want to be and I will inevitably become her! Not immediately, but give it time. Patience. Practice. Repetition.

And that’s on quantum leaping. That’s on becoming. That’s on everything God says that I am. That’s on being.

…even God, who quickeneth the dead, and calleth those things which be not as though they were.

Romans 4:17 KJV

My mom used to say “Speak things as though they were, not as though they are.” Why? Because who I say I am is who I’ll become. But– and?– I am who God is. I have access to all of who God is.

I am who I say I am, and who I say I am is who God says I am. It really could all be so simply! That who I say I am is who really I am. Are you tracking? (That’s military speak for “Are you still with me? Do you follow?)

In 2017, I spent 3 months writing my vision board. I invested 3 months envisioning who I wanted to become and I made my vision plain. I wrote it out and I became her. I didn’t exercise a lick but I wrote out all the reasons why I wanted to move my body. All the reasons I needed and thirsted and yearned to become the person I envisioned in my head. And now, I am her.

At first, they were words on a poster board readily visible in my living room. Even when I didn’t read them consciously, my subconscious mind read them. I read them often, consciously and subconsciously.

First, they were who I wanted to be and in time, with practice and repetition, I became her. I am her! I am who I say I am because God made us so mighty and so powerful that by using simply using our words, we can begin to become something else. We can speak life over ourselves. I am who I say I am because although I knew I wasn’t her, my confidence grew and I became her. I took more risks. I tried new things. I internalized and externalized and became all that I said I was. And I said I was who God said I was.

So who am I? Who are we? Who does God say we are? To uproot my shame, my doubts, my fears and to fulfill the deep longings of my heart, I speak these promises over my life, and I invite you to speak them over your life, too.

• I am loved. – “I have loved you with an everlasting love.” (Jeremiah 31:3)
• I am chosen. – “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession.” (1 Peter 2:9)
• I am forgiven. – “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)
• I am blessed. – “Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.” (Jeremiah 17:7)
• I am a child of the most high God. – “Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.” (John 1:12)
• I am fearfully and wonderfully made. – “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (Psalm 139:14)
• I am a light to the world. – “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.” (Matthew 5:14)
• I am a new creation. – “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” (2 Corinthians 5:17)
• I am an overcomer. – “For everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith.” (1 John 5:4)
• I am a peacemaker. – “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” (Matthew 5:9)
• I am a bearer of fruit. – “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit.” (John 15:5)
• I am blessed with abundance. – “The Lord will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty, to send rain on your land in season and to bless all the work of your hands.” (Deuteronomy 28:12)
• I am a trustworthy steward of God’s blessings. – “Moreover, it is required of stewards that they be found trustworthy.” (1 Corinthians 4:2)
• I am healthy in mind, in body, and in spirit. – “Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.” (3 John 1:2)
• I am a generous giver and an excellent receiver. – “Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.” (2 Corinthians 9:6)
• I am a doer and I can do any- and everything. – “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:13)
• I am favored by God’s grace and abundance. – “And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” (2 Corinthians 9:8)

And so it is. Amen.