I made it through because I always make it through! I am resiliency personified. As I look back at a journal entry from June 2024, I am stunned by the growth. Tears well and fill my eyes because, holy moly, I can’t believe this is my life! This is the life God and I co-created this year.
And for too many of us, they turned into self-hatred so deep, so consuming, that it felt like an unbearable truth. But what if I told you that everything you’ve believed about yourself—the shame, the doubt, the fear—was never true? What if I told you that you were made in love, by love, for love, to love? That the world doesn’t get the final say—God does?
Thank You, God, that the self-discipline I learned by letting You love me and loving You creates peace within me. Thank You that I now have equanimity—what once was only a hope and aspiration is now a reality. Thank You that when the world is chaotic around me, holy peace exists within me. Thank You that I know how to create peace with You in chaotic, crazy, uncomfortable spaces.
I am healed, and I am healing still. I am recovered, and I am recovering still. I am nourished, and I am nourishing still. Thank You, God, that I serve the God who says, ‘I Am That I Am.’ And because I know that, I know that I AM, TOO.
These fears have been swirling around in my head for a while, but I hadn’t taken the time to name them. And as I was writing them out, something amazing happened—they started to dissipate. Fear isn’t from God—it’s something that tries to hold me back from the bold, courageous steps I’ve been called to take.
You, My dear, were created in love, by love, for love, to love! Your life is unfolding. Allow it to unfold with ease and grace. Like a flower in bloom, so too, are you!
Shame has been a mother tongue because I was taught to be ashamed—ashamed of my body, my size, the fullness of my nose, the width of my hips, the gap in my teeth, the volume of my laughter, the chocolate brown of my skin, and the depths of my joy. But those very things I used to hate, those very parts of me I used to loathe, have become the parts I love the most.
Faith allowed you to ask. Work and action allowed you to have, to be, to do. Do, be, and have all you’ve ever dared ask Me for!
The only way to truly do this wrong is to not do it at all. So here I am, taking my own advice—showing up, even if it’s imperfect. Because what’s the alternative? To keep my thoughts to myself, trapped by the idea that I need to fit into some imaginary mold? As my nephew used to say at the beautiful, ripe, polite age of 2, ‘No, thank you, please!’
Much like if someone were to write me a check for $1,000,000, if I never went to the bank to cash or deposit it, the gift is no good!
What I do with ALL God gives me is up to me! It’s up to me how I steward my time, my energy, my resources. So while I surrender ALL, I also need to accept ALL in return, too!
