It’s crazy, isn’t it? That in a world full of hatred and negativity, people dare ask a bright light to turn down. Asking me to be less joyful is, at its core, self-centered. Instead, I submit to your consideration: why are you offended by my joy?!
Here I am, in my bed… I saw a tragedy waiting to happen—uneaten tomato chunks and sauce flying everywhere, including on my sheets and comforter. Noooo! Anywho, the blood on my mattress and the impending doom of tomato sauce on my sheets got me thinking, ‘What is it about the color red? Surely there must be a sacred secret lurking about, something to do with the blood of Jesus!’ And then, I explored it. The blood of Jesus was never meant to be easily washed away. It was meant to stay—to cover us, protect us, and remind us of a love so deep that it could not be removed.
The truth is also simple, though: I am now who I once needed. I didn’t post or share my blog because I first needed to practice being courageous. To say the things I need to say without worrying whose eyes are reading what I’m saying. This blog is my heart on the screen! It’s my deepest prayer, darkest valleys, greatest hopes. It’s sharing my deep longings that yet remain to be fulfilled. This past year has been a practice run of can I really do it? Can I say the things?
I, along with two Black women—one with 20 years of experience and another with over 20—were all pushed out. We were forced into silence. Our voices didn’t matter to those who had the power to hear them. As a Black woman in Amerikkka, I’ll say this: Black and Brown women are often fired for no longer being a “culture fit.” Interesting, isn’t it? We were hired because our excellence preceded us, and yet months or years later, we’re no longer a fit? If (White) folks were truthful with themselves first and with others, are Black and Brown women not a “culture fit,” or are you simply racist or prejudiced?
It takes courage to walk. And despite the fear we may feel, may we not be consumed by it or become it, but may we feel it AND be comforted while we move forward and WALK.
True courage lies in asking boldly and daring to dream of the life you’re worthy of. But do you truly believe in your heart of hearts that you deserve it? It’s time to uncover the depths of your worthiness and step boldly into the life you’re meant to lead.
“You have not because you ask not.” “Ask, and it shall be given unto you.” But do you believe that it should be given to you? Do you believe that you are worthy of the thing that you’re asking for?
I’m taking a moment to honor my imperfections. To boldly (?!) say: did y’all know you could do something and do it imperfectly and it’s still gonna be okay?! The moon didn’t fall outta the sky. Neither the stars nor sun. My job is still jobbing. My breath is still breathing. My car is still running. My home is still a home. Everything is precisely how it was because WHO CARES IF I AIN’T POST ON SUNDAY?!
Someone recently said she’s recovering from being her own God. In this season, being called to slow aaaaall the way down, this final question is deafeningly loud: Do I trust God to be God?
In other areas of your life, we “don’t” have a metric of well doing, so how do you hold space to create and do and live and simply be when you don’t know what steps to take? When you don’t have a metric to do good? To be well? How do you live in the mystery that is the unknown?
