“When we have engaged the creator within to heal us, many changes and shifts in our attitudes begin to occur… Many areas of your life that previously seemed to fit will stop fitting. Half your wardrobe may start to look funny. You may decide to reupholster a couch or just toss it out. Musical bents may alter. There may even be bursts of spontaneous singing, dancing, running.”
Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way, page 128
This book, amirite?! *deep sigh*
Just last night, I donated a whole entire trash bag of clothes and two paper bags full to the brimmy brim bim of shoes, purses, games, and electronics. Last night. It could’ve been yesterday afternoon, but I was wrestling with myself: “Can I really donate this dress that I’ve never worn? Tag still snow what, begging to be torn, dress eager to adorn the sweet curves of my body. Can I really donate this nursing board game? I didn’t even use this! I tried to convince myself to keep it to prepare myself for my new job, but you really need two players otherwise you’re reading the answers right along with the questions and what good is that?! What about these cute yellow suede pumps?! This was a hopeful purchase. You know the one, the one where when you buy it you go ‘Maybe one day!’ Sis, one day never comes!” You’d think I’d know better but… Here I am, three years after having purchased and never worn them.
So like I was saying, last night, minutes before the donation center closed, I packed up my curroaches dem and high tailed it over there. Desperate to recreate a safe space in my home. I have a magnificently large walk-in closest… That I can’t walk in. There are bags and boxes piled up in the center of the floor. When I first heard the term “possession consciousness” I was all excited.
I cleared out all the crevices. “I’ll sell stuff!” I told myself. They been sitting in the closest collecting dust for months. Only once I posted some items to an app. No more fooling myself. I can’t. More accurately stated, I no longer can. Still not quite right– I no longer am.
My home can only be safe when I create and maintain its safety. I live with me, myself, and I, so I recognize how easy I have it. Excuse me, I mean “easy”. Heavy on the air quotes. Because sometimes it’s hard, challenging or whatever else to convince myself to do the thing I know I ought to do. Can do. Need to do. Must do. Get to do. All the do’s!
So on the drive to the donation center in the bitter cold, I prayed. Earlier in the day I was reminded that “what I seek is seeking me”, so I said the same prayer as I surrendered these belongings. Why come? To borrow a phrase from one of my clients, “Thank you for asking!”
- “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.” I didn’t come into this world with anything and I’ll leave with nothing, too.
- “Blessed to be a blessing.” I am so blessed. Rather than notice the perceived lack, I focus on what I have. Because what we focus on grows. I have all this… Stuff! Stuff that alerts me to a compulsive shopping thingy I got. (“Problem” seems too heavy of a word for right now, so just roll with me on thingy, k?!). And I don’t want unused items in my closet to grow!
- “Generosity begets generosity.” Surrender and generosity are play cousins, aren’t they? Surrender. The world whirls in my mouth like java chip ice cream melting on my tongue on a hot summer day. This word keeps coming up for me. Over and over and over. And I’m so grateful.
Now, today, in this moment, I know that surrender is an invitation for goodness to beautifully and magically and seamlessly enter my life. Why? Because “generosity begets generosity”! How? Because I “reap what I sow”. When I lovingly and gently let things go– generously, that is– it makes way for new good that aligns with who I currently am– not who I once was– to enter and take its place.
To make a home here. A safe home. A beautiful home.
Home is my apartment. It’s also my body. It’s my car. Home is nearly everywhere I choose to exist.
My home isn’t home to fear. I’m surrendering that, and a whole heap of other things, too!
But I’m not shoving them out the door treating them like the “red headed step child” (Who says that?! Why do we even say that?! That’s my final time!) It’s a kind, loving exit. Even that exit is gentle and generous, as I hope to invite more gentleness into my life.
Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Philippians 4:5-6 NIV
What does creating a safe place to rest look, feel, sound, taste like? I know what it isn’t. It isn’t being able to freely reach my beloved library because I’m jamming toes on foolishness. So why would wait for someone else to create a safe place for me to rest when I can create it for myself??
No longer will I surrender my power. I’m reclaiming that!
Surrender foolishness, yes. Surrender my power?! No, sir! No, ma’am! No, Stan!
For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.
2 Timothy 1:7 NIV
The good Auntie Maxine Waters reclaimed her time and today, again, I graciously reclaim my power. One surrender, and one donation at a time.
And the others stuffs I held on to last night hoping to sell those? You know the canvas bag full of stuffs I didn’t donate because I didn’t want to relinquish the bag? The one I moved from the walk-in closet to my living room hopeful that I’ll sell it. I learned my lesson! I surrender! I want my space back. I want my home back. I want my safety back. I want to stay deeply rooted like a tree in the present where peace, love, and joy abound. No longer tied to what I could’ve done but didn’t or what I might could in future but won’t or else I would’ve done it already!
I reclaim my power by living in today. In the present. Issa gift, y’all! So today, I commit to bringing these items to the donation center. And this time, with an even stronger confidence each item will find a good, loving home. One eagerly awaiting their arrival. One ready to receive the joy they hold the new owner with open arms.
As for me and my safe space? For now, I’ll fill it with gratitude that what once was no longer is. And just like that, by surrendering some unused curroaches, I receive in loving return, more of my power.
Hmm. I wonder what else I ought to surrender?
