Sharing How I Modified My Behavior + Changing My Mindset = 100 lb sustained weight loss + My quality of life soared!
People Say Don’t Look Back Like It’s a Bad Thing!
People Say Don’t Look Back Like It’s a Bad Thing!

People Say Don’t Look Back Like It’s a Bad Thing!

People say don’t look back like it’s a bad thing, but you enjoy the view more when you realize how high up you are! How far you had to climb to get there!

I love looking back at my Facebook Memories and Google Photos and iPhone For You photos or stories for that very reason!

Because I’ve grown. And not no pyaa pyaa sittin’! (That’s Jamaican patois for “Not a lil bit of growth, but a whole lotta bit!”)

I’ve grown/ transformed/ recovered/ healed so much that I’m unrecognizable from who I was 7 years ago. I can show you better than I can tell you, though:

Here I am, on the right, in April 2017 in Mexico, ¡olé! This swing was at a bar, and baby I was in deep fear that the rope would collapse– cartoon style, no less!– under the weight of me and my sisterfriend. But more importantly, me!

And then, here I am on the left, 6.5 years later, just last week in October 2023, living my very best life chilling on a tree swing. Swings and hammocks are my fav, and I’m grateful I get to enjoy them more now. And yes, in large part because I weigh 💯 pounds less!

A New Hard, A Different Fight

For people who have only lost weight dieting, they wouldn’t understand the heightened level of hard this was. I lost the weight by facing myself. By facing all the things I refused to face before:

  • character deficits,
  • emotional and spiritual immaturities,
  • people pleasing,
  • self betrayals.

I don’t even know what else to add to the list to quantify what it took. I didn’t merely “lose weight”, I became more of myself. I became myself! For the first time in my life, I allowed myself to be the Joval God created me to be. I had to fight and wrestle not only with myself in the physical world, but I was fighting battles and wars in the spiritual world, too! I fought battles that no one else witnessed. I fought because I refused to be less than anymore. I refused to believe I couldn’t take up space. That I couldn’t laugh loudly. I refused to believe that I had to believe the BS my family and “friends” said about me.

Losing weight in a fun way was my first impossible. And by fun, I mean exploring my neighborhood and soaking up the sun, admiring the flowers, and getting lost on walks during my lunch break working with toxic people in a problematic place opposed to doing workouts I hated at a time I hated– 5 am!– with people who loved me but made it clear they hated my body because of its voluptuous size. So yes, weight loss was my first impossible which I only made possible with God. It was the first time I partnered with God and angels to fight the devil and thankfully, I won!

“Resist the devil and he will flee.”

James 4:7

I Get Things Wrong Sometimes

I made it this far, oh 👏🏾 so 👏🏾 very 👏🏾 incredibly 👏🏾 far! So because I did that impossible, I figured that surely I must could do another impossibles! Because if the first impossible was, in fact, possible, I really am wrong about some things! And I was. I am! And I continue to partner with God to do what I thought couldn’t be done! And each impossible is less challenging than the last. Why? Because we might start over, but we never start from scratch! 🙌🏾🫶🏾✨ Because I’ve learned so much with each new impossible, I know it’s literally only a matter of time to see heaven on earth again!

Because I knew how hard it was for me to “lose weight”, my heart broke thinking about how much harder it was for those who weren’t as privileged as I (you know, “good insurance”, native English speaker, a lickle bit of education, asks questions, challenges things that don’t make logical sense, advocates for themselves, etc.).. So I went to nursing school to help other phenomenally dope Black and Brown people do what I did. My research was “Empowering Black Women by Reimagining Behavior Modifications to Treat Obesity: A Whole-Person Approach Centering Stress Management”. I graduated in December 2022 with a 3.46 GPA. Damn high considering all the traumatic ish I had to endure! And endure I did! (Side note: I’m here for Black women first, but not only Black women. 😘)

I could’ve graduated in May 2010, but I just knew I wasn’t smart enough to study the “hard” sciences, thanks to intro to chem kicking my butt my freshman year of college. From an A in honors chemistry in 12th grade to a C- in the same course my first year in college?! Not to mention that raggedy college counselor who told me I couldn’t hack it. (Okay, so those aren’t her words, but definitely her sentiment. “My daughter is a med student at Stanford, you won’t make it in with these grades.” I actually might’ve (heavy on the might!) but not with the frail, dejected attitude she left me with. (Ms. Chu, anyhow I see you again, it’s me and you!)

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Anywho, back to what I was actually saying… I didn’t think I was smart enough, and my actions aligned with my beliefs. Confirmation bias. Whatever I say is definitively gonna happen is gonna happen, whether it’s negative or positive. So now, I practice only the positive. Ya dang right I expect good things to happen to me! And guess what?! Good things happen to, through and for me on the daily, sis!

In 2008 when deciding what to study my first time in grad school, I chose between nursing, social work, and teaching:

  • I nixed social work because it didn’t pay much.
  • I earned $44,014 after earning a whole entire master’s degree in teaching (!!!).
  • Because of that C- I earned myself in 2001, I nixed nursing immejjjiately because obviously I wasn’t smart enough! Ms. Chu and her raggedy self were right! What could I have done instead? I could’ve looked back to my senior year when I was confident and earned the A in honors chemistry. I could’ve looked back with confidence and said “huh, I bet since I did it before I can do it again! Plus, I’m more mature now!” But no, I let the wounded me lead. Don’t let your hurt self lead! PUHPLEASE!

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I say all this to say…

Be careful of what you say to yourself. Watch your words because they will inevitably became your actions. If you want better, the simplest, most impactful thing you can do is to simply speak better! Say better! Be as loving and kind as you are to yourself as you are to others! Yeppers, that’s it! That’s the secret sauce!

So when the next person (inevitably 🙄) tells you to stop looking back, inform them that you’re looking back not with a longing to return there, but rather with an appreciation of how far you’ve come!

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I’m proud of you, Jovie!!! (Yes, I’m talking to myself! And no, you can’t call me by my nickname unless you know me know me!) Just imagine, since we’ve come this far in the past 7 years, imagine where we’ll be 7 years from now!

How about you, dear reader? Where were you 7 years ago? And where are you gonna be 7 years from now?! Marvel at your past accomplishments and your future visions! Share them below in the comments or drop me an email so I can celebrate with you! Until you do, just know I’m doing a shoulder shimmy for and with you!

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