I Will Give You Rest Silent Retreat
Sun. 6/2/24 8:34p
I haven’t realized how long it’s been since I’ve been moving so quickly. From prerequisite courses + working full-time to nursing school to reading + learning + studying voraciously to be a “CEO” + entrepreneur to begin working as a PAID full-time addictions registered nurse to picking up too many shifts to being forced to slow down!
And now? Now when I see others do what I was doing + am doing, now I yell “Slow down! Caution! ¡Cuidado! You’re worthy of rest!”
But what about me? Am I worthy, too? Am I worthy of all the things I tell others their worthy of? Sure, I know the answer is yes, but do I BELIEVE it?!
God, help me to believe that I am WORTHY of all that you’ve created for me! Help me to knwo it in my mind, in my body, + in my spirit! Help me to know in the smallest parts of me that I am worthy. As I am now. Today. In this moment.
Not when my financial debts are paid off. Not when I’m driving my black on black (red on black?) BMW X5 or X7 or IX or whatever. Not when I have $10,000 saved in a high yoeld interest account. Not when I’ve invested in the stock market. Not when I’ve lost 10 lbs or gained 15 lbs of muscle or toned my body. Not when I get married. Not when I meet Mr. Joval. Not when I move our of my current apartment. No!
I AM WORHTY NOW!
I am who You say I am + who You say I am is worthy. Who You say I am is my debts are ALREADY paid! Who You say I am is loved. Who You say I am is beautiful. Who You say I am is wise. Bold. Courageous. Good soil!
I am who you say I am and I am oh so very grateful that I’m just now– finally, dare I say?– catching up.
I am loved. I am joy. I am peace. I am a catalyst. I am a writer. I am creative. I am a connector. I am a teacher. I am an educator. I am audacious in hope, grace, kindness, patience. I am loved. I am loving. I am well pleased. I am slow to anger. I am debt free. I am free. I am liberated. I am the child of the Most High. I am favored. I am renewed. I am a writer. I am a speaker. I am an excellent communicator. I am purposed. I am purposeful. I am an intercessor. I am going from glory to glory to glory to glory. I am strong. I am well rested. I am unburdened. I am light. I am Light. I am easy. I am undone. I am surrendered. I am. I am well connected. I am a geyser. I am powerful. I am mighty. I am strong. I am unyielding. I am a conqueror. I am victorious. I am an overcomer. I am resilient. I am a reader. I am a published author. I am flow. I am flowing. I am joy. I am love. I am peace. I am silenced. I am a mover. I am allowed to be who God Himself created me to be! I am made in His imagine + likeness. I am beautiful. I am made to shine as bright as the sun! I am being. I am becoming. I am breath. I am hope. I am answered prayers. I am favored. I am all that I am. I am confident. I am certain. I am sure. I am well. I am trusted. I am grace. I am unmovable. I am wind. I am earth. I am untouched. I am broken. I am kintsugi. I am made for such a time as this. I am made to rest. I am made for rest. I am rest. I am safety. I am secure. I am a safe-haven. I am a safehouse. I am tight lipped. I am a leader. I am the head and not the tail. I am a generous giver. I am an even better receiver. I am who God created me to be. I am well aligned with God’s will for my life. I am alive. I am breathing. I am a rescuer. I am a saver. I am financially stable. I am an excellent steward of all that God has trusted me with. I am responsible! I am an outpouring of love. I am attractive. I am a giver. I am wise. I am a discerner. I am a visionary. I am everything I need to live well. I am productive. I am at peat.
I am who God says I am!
I am slow. I am still. I am an excellent listener. I see God. I hear God. I know Him for myself. I am grateful my parents introduced me to God + I am grateful I am who He made me become. No– I am grateful I trust myself more to be bold + courageous to become the beautiful young Black woman I am. I am gold. I am the sun. I am the flowers. I am the work of my hands. I am the whispers of the breeze. I am the roar + rage of the fire. I am the strength of an earthquake. I am the wind in a tsunami. I am the gentle hugh + pitter patter of the rain. I am Mother Nature– calm, beautiful, mighty, unending, forgiving, unforgiving, yielding, quiet, lush, full, magical, surprising, alluring, all knowing, home. I am home.
I am home?! Yes, I am– Like my client told me months ago, “You’re like a mother but better. You’re everyone’s heart home.”
I am a mother. I am a teacher. I am a student. I am a learner. I am a restorer of peace. I am who others need me to be while still remaining to be fully + entirely myself!
I am healed. I am recovered. I am confident. I am certain. I am sure.
And yet again, I am so surprised that all of this truth— no, Truth!– flows out of me like water from a geyser, like an amazed mother seeing + searching her child’s face when placed on her breast after giving birth. I am in AWE. I am in WONDER. I am AMAZED.
This is my life!
This is my life. The very one I hoped + prayer for + at times I didn’t know if I could or would ever see.An excerpt from my journal
Imagine. 25 year old Joval didn’t believe she was smart enough and yet 41 year old Joval is CRUSHING IT! Doing far more than 25 year old me though I could.
