Practice Discernment: Black Women, Voice, and Thriving

Hi, my name is ____ and I contain multitudes.

It’s funny, isn’t it? Staying silent and speaking up. We do know. We must know—“know”?!—when to do both. We must know when to stay silent and we must know when to speak up.

When we do it “wrong”, there are consequences. No, there are always outcomes.

Staying silent can be wisdom come alive. Speaking up can also be wisdom come alive.

And yet, sometimes we don’t know which to do when.

Is that true?!

Discernment.

Discernment has entered the chat!

We get to practice discernment—yes, practice!—because we’ve become so detached from our own bodies as Black and brown women. We become so detached from ourselves and the light and truth and wisdom and love our bodies all carry that we must practice our return to it. Our return to love. Our return to wisdom.

Sometimes we get it. Sometimes we don’t.

But wisdom says when we listen to the still small voice that speaks to us, we get it “right”.

Let love lead. God is love. God is, love is!, the way, the truth, and the light.

“This is the way, walk in it. This is the truth. Live it. This is the light. See well because of it.”

Help me know the way, the truth, and see the light. Embody the light. Be the light.

Help me—a human of multitudes and mistakes!—return to you, oh love. After all, I was made in love, by love for love, to love, to be loved.

To be loved.

Even that took me a while to add on. We are made in love, by love for love, to love, to be loved.

Love. So much love to give and yet I must—I get to!—receive it, too.

Speaking is receiving love—naming my needs. No guess work. No mental gymnastics, simply stating clearly and plainly and simply what my needs are. What my wants are. What’s on my heart. “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”

Not speaking at times is receiving love—no arguing or refuting or rejecting. Simply letting love wash over me. Letting it land on me like the sun’s rays and the cool breeze on a Jamaican’s summer’s day. Appreciated. Respected. Welcomed.

It’s funny, isn’t it? We are taught to actively not love ourselves. We are taught be be silenced. We are taught to be seen and not heard.

And yet, it’s the silence that kills us.

The learned silence—not speaking up.

And the forced silence—when we do speak and others don’t have ears to hear us. When they choose to ignore our voice.

We see it time and time and time and time and time and time and time again and time and time and time again. See reference list below for a peak into the research.

No longer am I silenced.

No longer am I willing to code switch to make other people—white people—comfortable. Imagine that!—being taught to make the oppressor live in comfort when it harms and hurts and kills me and my sistren and brethren from the inside out. Their discomfort is not my business. Their discomfort is not my care or thought or concern.

No longer. No more.

And so now?

Now I don’t code switch.

Now I demand my name be spoken as it was gifted to me. Love created me and my name, all 5 letters and 2 syllables, and it flows off my mother’s and father’s and nephews’ and brothers’ and sisterfriends’ and clients’ and patients’ and peers’ tongues with love. And so now I demand it flow from all others, too.

Say it correctly or don’t say it at all.

From Accepting What I Can’t Change to No Longer Accepting It

I pray the Serenity prayer often. The traditional—the white?!—version:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference

But sometimes, oftentimes?, I pray this in my heart even when my lips say otherwise:

Love, grant me the serenity. I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I am changing the things I cannot accept.

And so it is. It is written. It is spoken. It is done. Ashe. Ameen. And amen!

Love, thank you that we align to you and your will for us. Thank you for love. For correction. For returning home to you. Thank you for life. For a life we aim to live pleasing in the sight of love. A life we recommit to live pleasing to ourselves, our families, our neighbors, our community, our home, and above all, our hearts.

Help us live in alignment with love. Help us return to it and never run from it. Help us detress in love. Help us be empowered by love. Love tells us and calls us to be bold and courageous, to be unafraid. And we take up the weapons of love to live in its power, in its truth, in its will and on its way.

Help us remember to love ourselves like love herself first loved us. Help us to be who love says we are, not who broken and hurt and unhealed people say we are. Help us be bold because you made us so. Help us to forgiving because you made us so. Help us be powerful because you made us so. Help us be bold people you made us so. Help us, love. Heal our bodies, our minds, and our hearts.

And so it is. As above, so below. As within, so without. As on earth as it is in heaven. Ase. Ameen. Amen.

References

1. SonderMind. (n.d.). Suppressed rage and autoimmune disorders in women. https://www.sondermind.com/resources/articles-and-content/suppressed-rage-and-autoimmune-disorders-in-women/
2. BWIS Network. (2024, September 20). Silent & silenced: Linking suppressed anger and autoimmune disorders in Black women. https://www.bwisnetwork.co.uk/post/silent-and-silenced
3. Society for Women’s Health Research. (2024, April 30). Elevating the impacts of autoimmune disease and Black women’s health. https://swhr.org/elevating-the-impacts-of-autoimmune-disease-and-black-womens-health/
4. King Collier, A., & Smith-Johnson, D. (2024, January 29). How stress affects Black women and tips for how to manage. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/stress-and-black-women
5. Shahid, S. (2018, October 1). Killing us softly: Chronic stress and the health of Black women. Minnesota Women’s Press. https://www.womenspress.com/6018/
6. The Atlanta Voice. (2025, February 19). Black Women’s Health Imperative highlights the need to address chronic stress and discrimination. https://theatlantavoice.com/black-women-health-issues-stress/
7. PBS NewsHour. (2023, April 13). Black women face greater risk of death and trauma due to childbirth. This reporter explored why. https://www.pbs.org/newshour/health/black-women-face-greater-risk-of-death-and-trauma-due-to-childbirth-this-reporter-explored-why
8. Georgetown University O’Neill Institute. (2024, July 10). Misogynoir in medicine: How bias in the medical field places Black women’s lives at risk. https://oneill.law.georgetown.edu/misogynoir-in-medicine-how-bias-in-the-medical-field-places-black-womens-lives-at-risk/
9. Capital B News. (2023, September 6). Black women are suffering from pain, and clinicians are dismissing them. https://capitalbnews.org/black-women-pain/
10. Institute for Women’s Policy Research. (2024, April 15). The pervasive legacy of medical racism and its role in the Black maternal health crisis. https://iwpr.org/the-pervasive-legacy-of-medical-racism-and-its-role-in-the-black-maternal-health-crisis/