I’m starting a petition for us to bring back some especially fun language:
- “Crusty”. While “raggedy” is one of my fav words to describe something deplorable, foolish, or simply less than, a friend called somebody or something “crusty” the other day and I’m officially on a mission to bring it back. It’s too good to not, ya know?
- And another one personal fav: I’m rubber and you’re glue and whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!
What do these two have in common?
Well, here’s the thing, babes… *clears throat* We people gotta know they’re the raggedy, sorry, I mean crusty! And we gotta do it in real time! You ever go home after someone says someone dumb to you about you and you were stunned into silence? No more! Let’s revolt! Let’s be ready with some quippy comeback like… I dunno… Say… I’m rubber and you’re glue and whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you! It worked well in elementary school and I think it’ll work well in my 4th decade, too.
Ion know if you know my story, but a few years ago I made my first impossible thing possible (with God!) and I lost a 100 pounds. Yeah sis, a whole hunnid pounds! A person! And not only did I lose the weight, because that’s cute but you know what’s beautiful?! Maintaining it! And you know what’s actually sexy?! Doing it in a way that aligns with all of who I am!!!
Hi, my name is Joval [as in my parents Joel and Valerie, 5 letters, 2 syllables, Jo-val not J-oval] and I’ve done the impossible.
Since I did that impossible, I got far more courageous. Because what then, couldn’t I do?! Nothing! The answer is absolutely nothing! The reason I hadn’t maintained my weight loss in previous attempts (and there were several) is because I was trying to be who others wanted me to be. I was following diets I didn’t like. Eating foods I couldn’t pronounce. Quinoa, hello?! Pronounced keen-wa, your girl was most def saying queen-o-a. How was I to know?! I also didn’t lose weight ever in a way that actually felt good. Diets. Restricting whole food groups. Restricting my favorite foods. Not eating my delicious incredibly rich and delicious cultural foods (brap! brap! brap! Big up my Caribbean massive!).
Why? All because the crusty American diet culture, along with its big raggedy sis, the healthcare system (we should really call it sick care but again, that’s one for another day and another soap box), is based and founded on the same tenants as this here country: racism. Oh, you didn’t think I was gonna take it there?!
- Exhibit A: rice and beans are a complete meal, perfect carb to protein ratio. Who eats rice and beans as a regular part of their diet and who doesn’t?
- Exhibit B: Racial healthcare disparities. Por ejemplo, the Black maternal mortality rate. Black women die 3x more in during childbirth than White women. Why? Because providers don’t take our “chief complaints” (that’s what they’re called in medicine) seriously. They don’t believe us when we say we’re in pain because they think we high a higher pain tolerance. That’s but one of the contributing factors.
- Exhibit C: Black women are 3x more likely to have fibroids, a “benign tumor”. Here, benign means non-cancerous but it doesn’t mean easy or not problematic. It causes incredibly heavy bleeding. Imagine when you’re on your period bleeding through your clothes… In public! Or bleeding so much you have to go to to emergency room. And both of those thing happened to me just this month! It’s a $9B with a bbbbbbbb as in billion dollar industry. Anywho, I di-Jo.
Bringing it Back
When someone says something negative to me, or ridiculous, or telling me who I’m not, I’m officially hitting them with a roundhouse kick. I mean a verbal roundhouse kick, of course! Words can be lethal. Words have started wars. WARS! (Also men, men have started wars because they’re historically the most violent– specifically White ones– but I’ll save that for another day and another soap box.)
No more being stunned into silence. If someone is audacious enough to tell me what I can’t do, it’s an invitation for me to be hit them with something. And while a well articulated retort is a personal fav, sometimes I don’t got it. I can’t find it because I’m really and truly stunned and surprised by what people tell me I can’t do.
Excuse me, what you can’t do is your business, but what I can do is mine. Don’t project your asinine, limited, narrow, raggedy, crusty views onto me! No sir, no ma’am, no Stan! Miss me with alladat! I’m out here dipping and dodging all types of negativity because I won’t willing let you curse me. Chile, bye.
The thing is…
…they actually think they’re doing me a favor! 🫠 It’s so crazy (can someone help me find another word to sub for this colloquialism?!). What’s most “upsetting” about it is it happens so often, people don’t even know or realize when they’re doing it because they’re not getting checked enough! I stop all the people, Ion care who it is. I don’t care their relationship or the relation. When ya wrong, ya wrong.
Perhaps it’s because people who haven’t done an impossible don’t know as deeply and intimately as I do that they are powerful. I am–we are– as powerful as the God in me. I am everything that God is. I have access to all that God is. Now if I access that power is something different. But I know when I do, I’m unstoppable!
I told someone I work with and really like my book idea. And baby, there are no books out like it! Issa great idea (And yes, I’ve began working on it!) In an attempt to temper my expectations, she could’ve killed them. And that’s the problem. If I weren’t all of who I am, she could’ve killed the very idea. And that’s what happens all too often! We share out ideas with small(er) minded people and they kill they very thing that could’ve catalyzed us into the future.
So I stopped her. Mid sentence. I said something like “This might sound impossible for you, but I’ve done the impossible and I know everything’s possible with God so I’m going to stop you here. I can’t even have you finish the sentence or thought because it’s untrue. It might be impossible for you but the book is already written in my head, I just gotta get it on paper. And because it’s already in my head, it let’s me know that it’s possible in real life.” And she got it. She heard me. She knew I was right. She apologized. Most don’t. Most want to be right so bad. How can you be right 100% of the time when you ain’t God?! That math don’t math!
But not everyone is worthy of my time or energy or quick wit so I think instead, I’ll hit them with:
