Seasons end.
And friendships do, too.
A Time for Everything
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 NIV
3 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Perhaps the hardest part about friendships ending is no one prepared me for it. As a child, I often heard, “The older you get, the smaller your circle becomes.”
I didn’t know how the circle got smaller, just that it got smaller. I didn’t see it. I didn’t believe it. My parents had the same few friends from long before I was even born. Some of my aunts and uncles are my dad’s friends from childhood and my mother’s friends from college, but best believe they’re my aunts and uncles! Fair to say they”re not going anywhere! lol
In my young adulthood, it was once challenging to believe that my close friends would transition to “someone I once knew”.
And yet, now there’s nothing more normal, more expected, and it’s for various reasons that close friendships have ended:
- One former friend and I grew apart– once I healed from the traumas we shared and bonded over, I soon realized that she wasn’t for me whole and healed, she was only for me broken, hurting, and relying on her. When I level up, everything around me levels up, too. When I level up, my personal standards are elevated and my standards in my relationships are elevated, too. What once was acceptable no longer is.
- I had bariatric surgery in 2017 and didn’t tell a then close friend– who I knew good and well was very against it– until I was ready to share it publicly about 4 years later. I told only my family not because I wanted their input, but because I made my decision and needed someone to take me to the hospital and someone to arrange to stay with me! I needed help, so I needed to tell them. So when my then-friend saw my post on social media about it 4 or so years post-operation, she felt that I should’ve told her sooner. I told her something like, “If I had to do it again, I’d do the same thing because it wasn’t your business to know, but my life to live.” That was the last time I spoke with her. She bliggity blocked me since.
- And most recently, another former close friend ghosted me. Imagine, at our big age?! The very same one who said ghosting was immature, ghosted someone who she called friend and sister and who’s kids called Auntie Joval.
But the truth is all friendships aren’t meant to last for always. All relationships aren’t meant to last for always. Actually, it’s the contrary– life and er’thing in it are constantly changing, and the only thing that remains unchanged is the Most High God!
I also knew it was time to end one of these previously mentioned friendships because I regularly heard, for yearsss, how said “friend” talked about her other sisterfriends. It was nasty. And in my immaturity, I believed, all but for the final moments of said friendship, that she’d never talk about me like that. But these were also her sisterfriends. She spoke ill of them and of their husbands, too!
And then one day I woke up.
Why would I be the exception? Why would she complain about them to me ad nauseam and not also complain to them about me, too? Most especially when she said some pretty terrible things about me, to me?!
If I had the confidence when we first met in our youth that I have now at my big age, we wouldn’t have been friends.
When we first met in my younger years, I needed a friend. The truth is, we need support. Life isn’t to be lived in isolation. NO! So, I accepted the friendship I was offered, even though it wasn’t always a good, or even half decent, one.
And that friendship evolved, as they do. It grew and blossomed. Because I overlooked so. Very. MUCH! I overlooked so very much that if I had the self esteem that I have now, I would’ve spoken up for myself, and I would’ve been willing to risk ending the friendship years ago. But I didn’t. And let me be clear: I don’t blame myself for that. I’ve forgiven myself for not knowing then what I know now. I extend myself grace in that, too.
…And then the petals fell and the branches started to wither. And just when I felt that spiritual nudge and came to realize that perhaps I ought to end our relationship, she ghosted me! I reached out a few times and we played phone tag once or twice and then… Nothing. Radio silence. Out of– a veeery misplaced!– guilt, I apologized to her that we couldn’t get in touch.
But how? For what? For nothing!!!
I tried to unsend the text, but it was too late.
I apologize for nothing because I have nothing to apologize for.
Embracing Change with Divine Guidance
And now, now I live and do life so differently.
Now I live life with and insert God at the center. I let my God intuition lead and guide me. Not my ego. Not my fears. Not my doubts. I let God lead.
After some Bible study, I knew it was time to end the relationship:
Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”
1 Corinthians 15:33 NIV
So when I get the *clicks tongue* that is a spiritual nudge from the God that lives in me, the dunamis of the Holy Spirit, I take heed. I read the Bible. I pray and meditate on the living, breathing Word. I renew my mind, transform my life, and console my spirit. I don’t wanna know what people gotta say about people acting raggedy, I wanna know what the Good Book has to say about it, and I let that lead me:
Don’t bad-mouth each other, friends. It’s God’s Word, his Message, his Royal Rule, that takes a beating in that kind of talk. You’re supposed to be honoring the Message, not writing graffiti all over it. God is in charge of deciding human destiny. Who do you think you are to meddle in the destiny of others?
James 4:11 MSG
As I navigate the changing landscapes of my friendships, I am reminded of the grace that is continuously extended to us by the Most High. In every season of surrendering and letting go, there lies great opportunity for maturing, for deeper roots in faith, and for stronger foundations of Truth. While some friendships wither like autumn leaves, my inner peace blossoms when I align my heart with God’s Love, His purpose, and His perfect and pleasing will for my life.
In this journey, I am not never alone. God’s wisdom is my guide, and His love is my North Star. As I continue to create the life of my dreams, I do so with a grateful heart of the lessons learned and a spirit eager for the relationships that align with my divine path. I am grateful that each “no” leads me closer to my “yes'”. I am grateful that each relationship that ends makes room for new, flourishing relationships to begin. For Love, truth, and support to build me up and that don’t tear me down.
Let us all cherish the friendships that nurture and uplift, and gracefully release those that have served their purpose. For in every ending, there is a new beginning, perfectly timed by the hands of our Creator.
“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
Hebrews 10:24-25 NIV
What This is and What This Ain’t
What this is is a heartfelt meditation on the ebb and flow of friendships and the divine lessons we learn as they evolve. It’s a celebration of growth, a testament to the transformative power of embracing our full selves, and aligning with the Spirit that guide me. It’s about understanding that each connection, like the seasons, serves a divine purpose—teaching, molding, and preparing us for the path the Most High has set before us. It’s an invitation to walk in Truth and Light, recognizing the value of every soul we encounter along the way.
What this isn’t is an indictment of those who have come and gone from our lives or a dismissal of the genuine bonds once shared. It isn’t about me being better than, or saying I haven’t done what they’ve done. Rather, this is about moving onward and upward with grace and gratitude, honoring our relationships as they were, and the transitions in our relationships as necessary steps toward our higher calling. It’s about letting go with love to create space for new beginnings, and confidently trusting that our steps are divinely ordered.
A Benediction for New Beginnings and Graceful Endings
God, as we let go of the old, let us step into the new with courage and faith, trusting that the connections we already have, the ones that ended, and that the ones that are yet to come, are divinely orchestrated for our highest good. In this, and in all things, may our lives reflect the Love and wisdom of the Most High. Thank You that You’ve forgiven us. Thank You for the overflow of your forgiveness to forgive ourselves and forgive others. And so it is. Amen!
