The irony of this is post is just too sweet to not share it! I just stumbled upon this, what should’ve been my second blog post on this here site, and yet… Here we are, 3.5 years and many posts later! (Lord, help me- us!?- be, get and remain more organized to give us clarity to do your work even better. Let the church say amen. Amen and so it is. 🙏🏾
Without further ado, I present my blog post from 3/5/20 [insert whimsical flashback music here]:
Life sure if funny, isn’t it?! Sometimes downright hysterical, knee-slapping, sometimes annoyingly funny like when you’re older brothers tag team tickle you and you’re screaming for mercy but they’re relentless and you’re annoyed because they won’t stop but you can’t help but laugh as you (nearly?) pee yourself. Sometimes it’s funny like when you bang my funny bone–WHY IS IT CALLED A FUNNY BONE?!– and it’s odd but hey, you roll with it and soothe yourself because what are the chances that tiny bone would square off with a kid’s forehead?
And sometimes, it’s funny when you think that just as you’re about to turn 37 (happy birthday to moi!), you thought by this ripe age you would’ve already been/had/done but definitely are NOT:
- A homeowner. Playing MASH as a kid, I was promised a mansion and I’m STILL trying to figure out who I go to claim it! Let me know if you have leads.
- Married. In high school, I thought I would’ve been married by a smooth 23 or 24. See, that’s funny! Let’s all laugh at my young folly together, shall we?
- 4 kids. *Slow blink*
- A dog. Definitely a dog! Maybe 2 because playmates.
- A flawless career where I made, say, a respectable but measly $700K and was encouraged and empowered to speak to white supremacy and sexism in the workplace with unparalleled class and couth a la Claire Huxtable when she was on the TV show and so swiftly and beautifully corrected her raggedy prejudice white counterparts?!
- And harmony. So much harmony! In the fairytale that I created in my head about what life is supposed to look like, things would be easy peasy lemon squeezey!
DUN DUN DUN DUUUUN
But it ain’t. None of those things have come to pass… YET!
Another reason why life is funny? Because it’s so terribly easy to sit back and say “whoa is me! I haven’t done the things I’ve wanted to accomplish!” *Shed single tear and cue world’s smallest violin* Thankfully, I have an awesome therapist and rockstar friends who always give me a good shake to snap me out of it and come to my senses.
The reality is, despite not having or doing it accomplishing the things in life to date that I thought I would have by now, I’m so very grateful for what I have done. It takes real effort [2023 Joval now knows I mean COURAGE!!!] to change your perspective and see things differently and that doesn’t come easily to most (any?) of us.
Like when I first started paying actual adult bills, I assure you I never once was gleeful, rather it was more like “didn’t I just pay this cell phone bill 30 seconds ago?! Now I have to pay it AGAIN?… Like every month?!” But now in my (infinite) wisdom, reframe it and say “I’m so thankful I have a job that allows me to meet my needs and some of my wants! I’m thankful to be in a position to pay this bill on time, and even get $5 off because I used auto-pay!” (SN: auto-pay is for grown folks, okay? Because I tried that as a baby and my account may or may not have seen negative numbers because overdrafting. I wasn’t ready! But I’m ready now. I’ve matured. I’m disciplined. Like my mom says (hi Mom!), “Don’t let your money tell you where it went, tell it where it’s going.”)
But I digress, loosely. [2023 Joval now calls this a di-Jo. ha!]
I’m in a season of milestones and I really, REALLY started to feel a way about it. Lemme ‘splain:
Birthday bum: I’m not going back to school this year like I planned and now I’m not even gonna be in my 30s when I graduate! [This was pre-COVID and surprise! I WAS WRONG!]
Birthday beauty: Holy moly, delaying school is the single best thing that happened to me! It forced me to face the hard truth that I don’t practice the best self care when ish hits the fan and I’m so thankful I now have the space, time and energy to find some new tools to help me live my best life possible when I do go back to school! [2023 Joval: 2020 Joval was so wise! Go ‘head, baby! What, you don’t cheer your past self on? You should! You gotta nurture your inner children!]
The downside of the two week anniversary email from GoDaddy congratulating me in purchasing my blog domain: You know the one I’ve been taking about for MONTHSSS but didn’t actually start yet aka the very one you’re now reading?! Perfectionism as a form of procrastination is the devil. [2023 Joval: FACTS!]
The upside of the two week anniversary email from GoDaddy congratulating me in purchasing my blog domain: I learned people who I least expected are in my corner, those who are really eager for me to share my vision and lovingly hold me accountable.
So, what’s the point of my stories (other than exhibiting my killer sense of humor?)?!
The downside of waiting 30+ years to get my health together: So many years lost to poor quality of life!
The upside of waiting 30+ years to getting my health together: because I stumbled, fell, misstepped and learned all the ways in which people try to lose weight but don’t, I also know how to speak to those experiences when I share my successes and strategies for you to also succeed. And you can’t say “But Joval, you don’t understand!” because I have sev-er-al photos of myself at 250+ lbs to prove it.
And you know what I’ve learned in all of this? Delay is not a denial. Repeat that, but out loud this time, and with all the bass you can muster. Sis/Bruh/They, that was barely even a whisper! Try again but say it with ya chest!
🗣️🗣️🗣️ DELAY IS NOT, BY ANY MEANS, A DENIAL.
I tried to lose weight. I triiii-ed. And failed. Several times. SEV.ER.AL! Does that mean I couldn’t ever?! NOOOOOOOO! But it did mean that I didn’t have the tools I needed to succeed.
Remember the book Eat This, Not That? Welp, we’re gonna play a round of a game that has absolutely NOTHING to do with the book other than the title just came to mind *drum roll please* Say This, Definitely Absolutely Don’t Say That!
Say this: As of today, I’m going to drink one more glass of water a day.
Definitely Absolutely Don’t Say: I should drink more water.
Say This: As of today, I’m taking the stairs down instead of the escalator and elevator.
Definitely Absolutely Don’t Say: I should exercise.
You see what I did there? I made the nebulous “I should…” to what I’m finna actually do is “x, y and zed”. Be specific!
So I charge you with this: shift your perspective ever so slightly. 🗣️ Ever. So. Slightly. Not a whole lotta bit, just a little bit. Just enough to make you a little uncomfortable because creating new habits is [2023 Joval: can be!] overwhelming. But the danger, as anyone who’s tried and “failed” to lose weight knows all too well, is that if you try to do too much too soon, then you’ll burn out in a couple weeks because you don’t see change happening fast enough. (I’ll have to write a post on that later, remind me!)
That said, to be successful in the long-term, you gotta start with low hanging fruit! When you started learning math you didn’t start calculus first, did you? NO! You started by learning to count to 10 out loud. And then you used on your fingers to understand the visual relationship. And then with beads. And then you learned to do the simplest of addition problems with blocks. And then, only after successfully completing 10+ years of numbers and math classes, you took calculus. (If that wasn’t you, and you learned calculus at age 5 or in the 5th grade, then we should definitely talk to figure out how WE can monetize your genius and I’ll only take a 15% cut!)
Baby steps, remember? Sooo, now that I’ve hopefully brought you back to reality: what are 2-3 simple changes you can make to improve your health and wellbeing? Everyone’s challenges are different, so think on it! [2023 Joval wants to remind you: don’t get stuck thinking too long before you begin to actually do something!]
Let me know in the comments what changes you’re going to make so I can cheer you on!
