The Fullness of Love: How to Stop Living on Empty

I used to think exhaustion was normal.

That giving everything I had to everyone around me—until there was nothing left for myself—meant I was living and loving well. That pouring and pouring and pouring, even when I was already drained, was what made me a good person.

That’s how society taught me how to live, right? Be selfless. Be the giver. Be the nurturer. Give without expecting anything in return.

But what they didn’t tell me?

That self-sacrifice without self-love will leave you empty er’ single daggon time!

That you cannot love fully when you are running on fumes.

That there is no reward in giving yourself away until there is nothing left of you.

Love is not exhaustion. Love is not depletion. Love is not self-betrayal.

And if love is making me disappear to nothing, then baby, that is not love.

We Were Not Created to Run on Empty

Whenever I fill my gas tank, I don’t start thinking about getting gas until I get close to a quarter tank. I don’t panic every mile, wondering if I’ll make it to my next stop—because I know I’m good.

But what happens when I let my gas run too low? When I let that E light go on?!

Suddenly, I’m on edge.
Suddenly, I’m hyper-aware of every quarter mile.
Suddenly, all I can think about is whether I’m going to make it to my destination, and to the gas station.

And that’s exactly what happens when we live our lives constantly running on empty.

When we don’t take time to refill, to replenish, to nourish ourselves, we start moving through life from a place of survival instead of a place of peace.

We snap at the people we love because we’re running on fumes.
We say yes when we mean no because we don’t even have the energy to create or enforce the very boundaries that keep us safe.
We convince ourselves that exhaustion is just a part of life because we’ve never actually felt what it’s like to be full and well rested.

But we were not created to run on empty. We were created by love, in love, for love, to love.

And love, real love, does not live in depletion.

Neglect Is Not Love

If I were in a relationship with someone who never checked in on me, never met my needs, never poured into me, never asked me how I was doing, never made sure I was good—would I call that love?

Would I stay in that relationship?

Would I accept that?

If the answer is heck naw! Then why—why on Earth—would I accept it from myself?

I do not call it love when someone I’m dating or am friends with neglects me. So why would I call it love when I neglect myself?

When I ignore my needs.
When I keep giving beyond my capacity.
When I tell myself “I’m fine” when my body is screaming that I’m not.
When I push and push and push, convincing myself I’ll rest “later”—knowing full well later never comes.

Neglect is not love. Not when it comes from others, and not when it comes from you.

Love Yourself Like You Love People

I spent seven hours at a spa with my friends celebrating my birthday. Celebrating me.

They love me enough to drive well out of their way, spend their money, and pour into me—just to be in my presence.

They love me enough to create space for my joy.

And in that moment, I asked myself:

Do I love me like this?

Do I love myself enough to create space for my joy?
Do I love myself enough to nurture, refill, and pour back into me?
Do I love myself enough to prioritize my well-being, not just everyone else’s?

Because if I can love my friends like this, then I can love myself like this, too.

And so can you.

How Do You Love Yourself Fully?

You listen.

To your body. To your spirit. To your energy. To the very cues you’ve been trained to ignore.

Pause and ask:

• Do I need rest?
• Do I need movement?
• Do I need to step away from this environment?
• Do I need to be alone?
• Do I need community?
• Do I need a break?
• Do I need to slow down?
• Do I need to be held?
• Do I need to stop proving and start being?
• Do I need water?
• Do I need a snack?

And then?

And then you give yourself exactly what your body, your mind, and/ or your spirit tell you that you need.

Because noticing a need and ignoring it? That’s neglect. And love is not just what we feel. It’s what we do.

And the way we love ourselves sets the standard for every other love in our lives.

So the real questions are:

Are you loving yourself the way you are worthy of being loved? Are you loving yourself like God calls us to love ourselves? Like God defines love? Are you loving yourself with a love as big as the Universe? A love that created you?

We were created by love, for love, in love, to love. May we learn to love ourselves wide, deep, fully, completely, and above all, may we love ourselves divinely.

This is the final post in my self-love series. If you missed Part One—Unshakable Love: How to Build Trust with Yourself—or Part Two—If You Keep Losing Yourself in Love, This Is Why—be sure to check them out. Because divine self-love isn’t simply a concept. It’s the foundation for the life and love you are worthy of receiving. It’s the foundation of your very essence of being.