Too Long Didn’t Read
This a short one… JK, we’ll see.
I facilitated a Progress Not Perfection wellness workshop at the Environmental Protection Agency. In it, I talked about how to get started so we can begin to live better, however we define it for ourselves. It was a mini vision planning meets practical application to determine our next steps, while reminding participants that no step is too small. That baby steps are still steps and they get that baby where they wanna be in no time when they keep stepping. It was about how we’re imperfect. Always and forever. Self care is about taking care of ourselves even when we’re imperfect. Especially when we’re imperfect. And we reap so many rewards when we do! So, because I know I’m imperfect, I have to figure out how to do things imperfectly. I have to figure out how to do things even when it looks different from the story in my head (the audacity for other characters to read different lines than I scripted for them! Or for me to just not feel like it when I thought I would when I booked this thing but now I don’t so… Do I still go or nah?!
Sometimes I allow myself to stay home. And sometimes I press on and go.
Like how I didn’t want to go to my Pure Barre workout class but dragged my behind there and was beautifully rewarded for it:
Yesterday was a beautiful example of self care being about doing the thing you know is good for you even when you don’t feel like doing it. For me, Pure Barre is me loving myself by taking care of my mind, body and soul. Whenever I’m working out, especially in a setting like that, I can only be doing that one thing.
(I will multitask with the rest of them– and sometimes I’m even great at it! This just in: multitasking is great for low effort/ priority/ value tasks like washing dishes and doing laundry. But for high priority/ value tasks like studying in nursing school or managing my finances, my full attention is required otherwise I’m more prone to make mistakes.)
To be honest, I didn’t love myself when I was preparing myself to go to the workout yesterday. My friend (hey girl hey!) called and I complained about it. About how I couldn’t skip again because I did that two days prior. But 6 years ago I made a promise to myself. I created guidelines for living well. The guidelines change depending on the season I’m in. Sometimes it’s workout 45 minutes a day 5 days a week. Others 15 minutes a day for 7 days. But right now, it’s 3 Pure Barre classes (50 minutes) 3 days per week.
Anywho, I complained to my friend while I was at home changing, and again while I was driving there (I was serious about hoping I’d get stuck in “traffic” so at least it wouldn’t have been my fault… right?!) Later I bemoaned when I arrived and told her how I can’t wait to cancel my membership in October (I really can be so dramatic sometimes! 🤭).
So. Much. Energy. Wasted. In hindsight, it’s foolish, isn’t it?! After all, I still went!
I didn’t like who I was being in the moment, but I couldn’t not. At least, so it felt. I went not because I wanted to, but because keeping the commitments I make to myself when it comes to self care is me showing me I told me… even when I don’t like me!
If I only worked out when I felt like it… Well, I think we see how that goes.
I’ve been working out regularly for over 6 years. I’ve kept over 100 lbs for over 4 years.
I think I know a lil something about consistency.
On the outside, you may think I wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed, eager to workout. Sometimes I do. But please know that the reality of this side. The inside. In my mind, I’m human just like you are.
Does it get easier? Absolutely! Let me be clear, it’s not like this everyday, but I want to set you up for success. You’re in this for the long haul, sis. Set your mind on going at a pace you can withstand because the work never stops. Not the physical nor the mental nor the spiritual work to continue forward. To maintain your transformation.
If you only workout when the numbers are decreasing on the scale, what’re you gonna do when the numbers stop moving? Like when you plateau (you just stay stuck at the same weight for a while)? Or when you simply can’t lose anymore weight because either you’re at your set point (in psychology and physiology, it’s the idea that the body has a natural or “set” weight range that it tends to maintain over the long term, regardless of short-term changes in diet or activity levels).
Self care is deciding even when I don’t like how I show up, I’m going do remain committed and do what I said I was gonna do.
Self care is choosing to stay committed to yourself instead of letting your emotions choose for you. I couldn’t paid the $15 and had a stank attitude at home. But look what I would’ve missed out on!!!
Self care is deciding to do what’s in my best interest even when I don’t feel like it because I know my feelings are fickle. And I was right! I was full of gratitude and a lil less sassafras by the time I left the studio. And it melted away when I saw that cotton candy sky. I mean, do you see it?!
Self care is knowing what you’re saying yes to so you can sustain your transformation. “If you stand for nothing, you’ll fall for anything.” You can’t be successful if you don’t know what success looks like for you.
What is self care, really?
- What are your own terms and conditions??
- What’s your personal operations manual for success? You know, what’s the minimum number of hours of sleep you need to live well tomorrow?
- How often do you need to see your friends and family to feel relationally full?
- How much sun do you need to get?
- How often do you need to stretch your legs? Listen to your hype song?
- Under what conditions do you thrive?
- Under what conditions and for how long will you survive?
- What happens if your in survival zone for longer than you anticipated? What’s your recovery plan?
Although my 101 year old grandmother like to tell me I was “just born”, for me at my big age, self care looks like knowing the answers to each of these questions. Not just in my head, but written out. Every few months I write out a new vision for myself: What does success look like for me right now? And I jot down all the things I know I need given whatever the projects, challenges, life things, whatever else. And don’t forget life loves to throw a lil (and sometimes a lot of) an unexpected razzle dazzle, so how am I gonna prepare for those, too?
You can’t lose 100 pounds unless you first lose a pound.
me! (Joval Webbe, MAT, MSN, RN)
Don’t worry if you don’t know the answers to all or even any of these questions!
Choose one and sit with it. Mull it over in your mind for a few minutes or while you brush your teeth or shower (but set a reminder so you don’t forget because relying on our memory, isn’t a skrong wellness strategy). And/or then on paper. Decide for yourself. You can’t get to the end you want if you don’t begin again, so begin again by answering one question that resonates the loudest with you. And once you do, I pinky promise that you’ll come to know what your next action step needs to be to begin moving in the direction of your vision. Of how you want to live. And if I’m wrong (and I am every now and again despite what one of my clients says!), come back and simply choose another question from the bulleted list above. Seek and you’ll find. Knock and the door is opened.
PS- So this wasn’t a short one. Maybe next time! Probably not. But either way, pardon any typos. Publishing this blog is me allowing myself to do it imperfectly. If I can do 1% better with the next blog post, I’ll consider it a raging success!
