Oftentimes I find that words just fall out of my face. Like one minute, I’m there actively listening and fully engaged in the conversation, and the next, my lips are moving and the words are coming and it’s not me who’s saying them, but it’s absolutely me who’s saying them!
This time I was at a friend’s birthday party. *ahem* Half birthday party. Among a group of people I don’t even know and had just met plus one soul sisterfriend, I heard myself say “You’re standing among divinity. Yes, we are all divinity personified, but ya’ll, I’m amazing! I am divine!”
I wasn’t arrogant. It wasn’t cocky. It was a kernel of truth. I had heard myself say something that I don’t know that I would’ve said, but the words flew out of my mouth like water flows from a waterfall– organic, natural, supremely true, confident, sure.
And it’s funny. Not funny ha ha but certainly funny: I’m not overly confident. I’m confident. My confidence is growing to be the right, appropriate size of confidence. I am taking up precisely and exactly enough space. Not too little where I’m contorted and my body hurts. Not too much where I’m infringing on the space of those around me. No, I’m taking up enough space to be comfortable. Enough space to be free and liberated.
And this confidence that flows from deep within me?
This confidence, I’m sure, comes from the affirmations I’ve been writing and saying and singing and praying.
I needed to do affirmations because I didn’t always see myself as others see me. I don’t always see myself as others see me. All now, as much as I’ve accomplished, as much as I’ve done and seen and overcome and did I mention accomplished?!
It was when my then 101 year old grandmother was singing my praises that I realized, yet again, I want to see myself how she sees me, because how she sees me if far greater and bigger and more loving and kind than I see myself.
And that? That’s how I see my clients (patients) at work. I see them in their fullness, in their greatness. I see them more like how God sees them. (If you didn’t know, I‘m an addictions nurse.)
And then I realized that’s how I need to see myself, too! They see themselves for their mistakes I need to see them in the fullness of their true, whole self. Who they were made to be. And they reflect that truth back to me, too. They see me as “ethereal” and “a compassionate entity” and “radiant light”. And sure, sometimes I see myself as that.
But when my grandmother speaks so highly of me to me and my clients do the same, I realize that I need to ALWAYS operate and simply BE in that space. Yes, I’ve made mistake but I’m not my mistakes. No, I’m one who perseveres and is made mature and complete because I allowed perseverance to finish it’s work in me! Yes, I’ve had addictions but I’m not my addictions. No, I’m a new creature in God! Yes, I’ve done and said and experienced heartbreak and hardship but I am love and joy and peace personified!
And it’s because I’ve come to know myself more. To actively speak and write about myself more like how my grandmother and my clients and God and God in my grandmother and God in my clients speak about myself, it’s that these words came flooding out of my lips. It’s that I didn’t even think to say them, they simply fell from. my face!
One of my affirmations for quite some time has been “I am who God says I am!”
I’ve been writing who I am. Here’s but one of the many pages of who know I am. This isn’t even necessarily aspirational, this is already true right now. Also noteworthy, I started this entry by writing I AM WORTHY NOW! Oftentimes we come from a place of lack when in reality and in truth, we are far more advanced than we give ourselves credit for.
Yes, there’s always room for improvement. Yes, I’m not where I want to be but even if I made not nan other change, who I am right now, in this moment, is already good! Dare I even say excellent!!! So because of who I am, I am going to ease off the self imposed pressure and allow myself to be. I am allowing myself to fully embrace who I am right now and the more I do, the more confident I become because who I am is oh so very amazing, and oh so very smart and good and authentic and loved and loving and full of integrity. Who I am, right now, is a joy.
I am a conqueror. I am victorious. I am an overcomer. I am resilient. I am a reader. I am an author. I am flow. I am flowing. I am joy. I am love. I am peace. I am silenced. I am a mover. I am allowed to be who God himself created me to be! I am made in his image and likeness. I am beautiful. I am made to shine as bright as the sun! I am being. I am becoming. I am breath. I am hope. I am answered prayers. I am favored. I am all that I am. I am confident. I am certain. I am sure. I am well. I am trusted. I am grace. I am unmovable. I am wind. I am earth. I am kintsugi. I am made for such a time as this. I am made to rest. I am safety. I am safe. I am secure. I am a safe haven. I am a safehouse. I am tight lipped. I am a leader. I am the head and not the tail. I am a generous giver. I am an even better receiver.
I AM WORTHY journal entry
A Prayer for Divine Self Awareness
God, thank you for awareness. Thank you that I serve a God who proclaims I AM THAT I AM! Thank you for your light of truth showing me who I am. Thank you that who I am is good, beautiful, and worthy. Thank you that who my readers are also the same. Thank you for helping those who read these words stand in the fullness of who they are, too. Thank you that our awareness of ourselves in you is ever-growing and deepening, and that we continue to recognize and embrace our divine essence. Thank you for the confidence that comes from knowing we are made in your image, and for the strength to walk in the truth of who you created us to be each and every day. May we always see ourselves and others through your eyes, with love, compassion, grace, and forgiveness. Thank you that because you made us all in your image and likeness, thank you that we mirror you to each other. Thank you for having eyes that see you and ears that hear you. And so it is. Amen.
