Beyond Good and Best: Embracing Humanity’s Imperfections with Grace
Sometimes our best isn’t good enough.
Sometimes we don’t even try our best.
Sometimes our best isn’t even any good.
Sometimes we make poor decisions.
Sometimes our best is trash.
Sometimes our best is unintentionally neglectful or hurtful or harmful.
Sometimes we say we try our best but we know in the depths and crevices and nooks and crannies of our beings that we made a poor choice. The wrong choice. The disobedient choice. The dishonorable choice. And here’s a thing about decisions and feelings. I only know when I do my best. I can’t speak for other people. Because I can only feel that spiritual nudge of discomfort in my own being.
I read The Four Agreements and one of them is assuming that everyone is doing their best. And that’s cool. It makes sense, right? I believed it for a lil bit. It’s cute, but it’s not always true. Not cien por ciento. Not 100%. Not 10/10. (Just wait til you read the passage at the end that nullifies and voids that sucker aaaaall the way out!)
However comma, it would be foolish and unwise of me to think that everyone is actually doing their best. When I believed everyone was doing their best, I allowed myself to be easily hurt by them. Either I was hurt emotionally or I was abused.
Let me be so incredibly clear: simply put, some people are evil and wicked. Some people lie, cheat and steal (and don’t let them be the trifecta doing all three!) to get whatever the hell they want and they don’t care about anybody else’s feelings but their own. Actually, they don’t even care about their own feelings! They care about what the want. What they get. Feelings?! What are those?!?! Have you ever met someone with narcissistic personality disorder?! Or perhaps psychopathy or sociopathy? They manipulate, gaslight and do er’thing else to get what they want from you. It could be a family member, a friend, an acquaintance, a coworker, or even someone you meet in a crosswalk or at a conference or who lives in your community.
Here’s the thing: in this great big wide world with billions of people, no one is exempt from literally anything. No one is exempt from hardship, disease, poverty (financial or love or thought or otherwise), addiction. And it’s because these are all human conditions. Welcome to humanity! Welcome to the world of free will!
And it’s foolish and unwise to think that every person roaming God’s earth is godly. Have you watched the news?! Met people? Had or heard about a lying, stealing, and/or cheating peer?! Experienced racism or any other -ism?! Trauma?! Oppression?! HAVE YOU LIVED?!?!
I decided years ago to always try my best. But y’all, sometimes I be tired so I don’t do my best, I do my good. I do my decent. I do enough. Best is about capacity. Good ➡️ better ➡️ best. Best is an adjective meaning it’s compared to something else. Perhaps because I’m famished and feel like I’m about to pass out, my best choice is to eat the only food readily available to me, even if it is deep fried everything slathered in a special sauce that I wouldn’t normally eat when I’m feeling my actual best. But when I don’t allow myself to get that famished, oh baby Imma prepare a meal of epic proportions with a lil fat, a lotta protein, a lotta veggies (hello grilled chicken salad or pelau or chicken shawarma or basically any “balanced” ethnic meal I love!) You see how my best on one day is my worst on another? No judgment, just noticing what I have the capacity to carry and when.
If I continue to believe that everyone is trying their best, I will be fooled, once again– deceived, really– that the sheep dressed like a wolf is a wolf. Ummm… I see the tag hanging out the top of the wolf costume! And it ain’t even zipped up at the way! And sir, you don’t even have a mask on and yet you want me to believe that a sheep is a whole wolf?! Y’all go ‘head and be deceived if you want to!
But me?! I’m no longer believing that everyone is doing their best. You know why? Because even though I’ve committed myself to doing my best, I know I don’t always have the capacity to do the best all the time. Check it: sometimes my best didn’t appear good. Understand this: my “best” is now always– yes, 100 percent of the time– defined as:
- following that still small voice inside me
- honoring my intuition
- praying, seeking, and inevitably finding
- doing what I know, feel, sense is right
- doing what the Bible says do not what I wanna do (because I wanted to respond nasty to you like you’ve been treating me but now I know I’m not gonna “match your energy”, I’m gonna do it God’s way instead).
- doing what honors myself and my God.
- taking care of myself and by extension, the God who dwells in me.
Understand this: I’m grown. I’m not asking anyone for permission any longer. Because when I did, I relinquished (that’s fancy for surrendered and gave away) my power. And what I’m not doing is giving away the best of me to receive the least of anyone else.
What I’m not doing is giving away my best hoping that someone will give me their best. That’s dangerous! And woefully transactional! Nah son, Imma do my best for me and you do whatever you wanna do for you, but no longer will I surrender any part of myself for whatever pittance you’re willing to give me in return. Boy, bye!
Instead, I am going to maintain a sense of integrity and God and power. I have “been giving the power of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7). I am reclaiming my power just like Auntie Maxine reclaimed her time! Don’t start none, won’t be none!
I’m no longer expecting that if I give everything to a master manipulator that they’ll give me what’s good and holy and 10x my return. From a liar?! Is you crazy?! Or unwell?! Which one it is?! You gotta be something but sober minded to believe that’s true. I know I was when I believed otherwise!
I am doing my best. I’m not trying my best, I’m doing my best. And my best varies from day to day and moment to moment.
AND ANOTHER THING (oh Lawd!), because of my humanity, temptation gets me, too. I’m not exempt, neither! No one is! No one is impermeable. But I am resilient. So even when I’m tempted to make a poor choice as any of my compulsive behaviors (aka addictions) would have me do, I can always come back from it.
So, if we’re active in addiction are we always doing our best?! Well homegirl/ homegirl/ homethey, I’d say probably not so much.
I’d say I’m doing my best when I’m in (full) control. And when I’m not in full control, I better pray that the God who created this big wide world and everything in it, will renew my thinking, my mind, my heart, and my body so that I can realign my decisions and therefore my life with his will for me. We’ve been taught to pray “Your will, not mine, be done.” Every time I say or sing the Lord’s Prayer, I’m asking God to return me to who I am. To who he created me to be. His will, not mine. I want God’s best for me. I want heaven on earth! Especially now that I’ve done tasted and seen what is good! Really good! GOD GOOD! MORE OF THAT, PLEASE!!!
Does everyone want heaven on earth? No. Does everyone want the good and beautiful and merciful and pure and holy?! Again I ask, have you seen the news? Have you seen or been forced to experience some of the injustices and hatred in the world? Have you seen the children dressed as adults carrying on like fools in government throwing tantrums, demanding they get their way?!
If you’ve experienced just a lickle bit of life, then you’d know that everyone isn’t doing their best. And if you’re being completely honest and truthful with yourself, you’d know that you’re not always doing your best, either. AND THAT’S OKAY.
So if I’m not always doing my best and I’ve declared the kind of life I want and desire to live, then my goodness golly, Ms. Molly, I can only imagine (and to some extent don’t have to!) what those who have little or no moral or ethical compass want to see happen to me or for me. I’ve met some of them. I know some of them. And I’ve been taken advantage of. NOT ANY MORE. ISSA NEW DAY! I left behind a lot of things and a lot of people in 2023. And I did it lovingly. It’s better– SAFER– after all, to love some people from a distance.
As my good homie in my head Katt Williams said liars lie! It’s not for me to know why they lie! Y’all got some nerve asking The Truth seekers to explain why liars do what they do as if we know. Ultimately, we all know deep within us when truth finds us and when it alludes us. We know. Do we discern it? Some do, some don’t.
So no, I won’t accept that everyone is doing their best because they’re not. And sometimes, neither am I. Sometimes I take a nap when I know I ought to work. Sometimes I binge Netflix when I know I ought to exercise. Sometimes, I’m disobedient to God and that’s what makes me human. Some people won’t let me people and I just wanna rest. I’m not perfect either so lemme take my own self off the pedestal some of y’all very wrongly put me on, k?! I’m not always making the good or the God decision. Hello, my name is Joval and this why I need God.
Living in Truth: Discerning the Authentic from the Deceptive
All I’m saying is this: beware. Beware of the wolf in sheep’s clothing. Beware of the shirtless man telling you he’ll give you his shirt. Beware of what doesn’t sit well with you. Trust yourself. Know and hear and discern when that still, quiet, clear but strong and confident voice whispers and speaks to you. All I’m saying is beware that we all have different and unique motivations and capacities and that imperfection is in fact inherent in humanity. Imperfection is the essence of the human condition.
But please, don’t believe that just because you have committed to a life of good that everyone else has, too. Read the Bible. Like Pastor Stephen said last week, the Bible isn’t to be memorized, it’s to be experienced! So don’t just think, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Live it! Make your impossible possible… With God!
I guess what I’m really tryna say is: Know that there is evil in the world. Pray against it so when it meets you, you are well equipped and well prepared to meet it. Not you alone, but with the God in you:
Psalm 140
For the director of music. A psalm of David.
1 Rescue me, Lord, from evildoers;
protect me from the violent,
2 who devise evil plans in their hearts
and stir up war every day.
3 They make their tongues as sharp as a serpent’s;
the poison of vipers is on their lips.[b]
4 Keep me safe, Lord, from the hands of the wicked;
protect me from the violent,
who devise ways to trip my feet.
5 The arrogant have hidden a snare for me;
they have spread out the cords of their net
and have set traps for me along my path.
6 I say to the Lord, “You are my God.”
Hear, Lord, my cry for mercy.
7 Sovereign Lord, my strong deliverer,
you shield my head in the day of battle.
8 Do not grant the wicked their desires, Lord;
do not let their plans succeed.
9 Those who surround me proudly rear their heads;
may the mischief of their lips engulf them.
10 May burning coals fall on them;
may they be thrown into the fire,
into miry pits, never to rise.
11 May slanderers not be established in the land;
may disaster hunt down the violent.
12 I know that the Lord secures justice for the poor
and upholds the cause of the needy.
13 Surely the righteous will praise your name,
and the upright will live in your presence.
You really think that the Good Book said that just ‘cuz?! Another translation says:
1-5 God, get me out of here, away from this evil;
protect me from these vicious people.
All they do is think up new ways to be bad;
they spend their days plotting war games.
They practice the sharp rhetoric of hate and hurt,
speak venomous words that maim and kill.
God, keep me out of the clutch of these wicked ones,
protect me from these vicious people;
All boast and swagger, they plot ways to trip me up,
determined to bring me down.
These crooks invent traps to catch me
and do their best to incriminate me.
Go well. Choose well. Discern well. Be well. May healing, love, power and peace be yours.
With nuff nuff love,
Joval
PS- I wrote this for me. I wrote this for the adult me who had some ish to get off her chest. I wrote this, and all other posts, for the baby and young and little and big Jovals who are learning this ish the hard way and want someone to point them to Truth so then can learn with fewer hurts. Who can learn through wisdom. I wrote this because I was angry. Because I am angry no one told me that people would rather us live in a deceitful world to get out of you what they can. I wrote this because you, my beloved reader, deserve to know and harness the dynamic power of Truth for yourself. I wrote this because we deserve to be as powerful as God created us to be. I wrote this for my nephew because I want him to be better than I’ve ever been and will be. I want him to stand on my shoulders knowing Auntie Joval is going to keep him safe. I wrote this for all versions of myself– past, present, and future. I wrote this for all versions of my sweet, genius nephew– past, present and future.
I wrote this because I know, deeply and intimately, firsthand how accepting the truth as it is, not as I wished it were, transforms:
