In my mind, I’m only 20. But how could that be if 17 years ago I was a full grown adult drinking a hard cider?! 🤣 The way time and math are set up… I’m actually 40. Yes, aaaalready! 🤣🤣🤣 And no, I can’t believe it either, sis!
Time is funny. And so is the God who created it!
Now, 17 years after this picture was taken, I stare in amazement, awe, and wonder at my 23 year old self.
Looking Back
What would I tell my 23 year old self? Er’thing I told the 25 year old woman of color I met again yesterday! She is who I was! She used my words. She shared the same fears and worries I had at her age. She’s so dope and courageous, but she didn’t even know it because her fears were louder than her faith. And that’s okay! I was there. I was her. Perhaps most of us were? Thank God I no longer am.
So in an impromptu coaching session, I told her everything I wish someone told me. And just uttered the words. Nah, that ain’t helpful! Communication has the most impact when it’s understood. I know we know that but the way people carry on it’s clear we don’t always know that.
I don’t know about you, but I know when I communicate impactfully and meaningfully. I can feel it in my body. I can tell my what the other person says, and doesn’t say. I can tell by the questions they ask. Te rise and fall of the intonation in their voice. The faces they make. Their body language. How open or close they are physically. I can sense it in my body. I can sense that intuition when it nudges me to say something different or to ask another question. I can tell.
What’s an easy way that I can tell that my communication is impactful? Because they tell me! 🤣 Apparently, the last conversation I had with homegirl a few years ago really sunk in because she accredits me to pursuing another degree! A degree… In nursing?! 🥹🤯🥳 Because our last conversation was so impactful for her, she was actually surprised that I didn’t remember it. But ya’ll, I’ve planted so many seeds and water so many flowers over the years that I don’t remember each seed I plant and each watering can I hold. However comma (yes, I said comma!), I always appreciate when they bloom! I always stop and admire the beauty whenever, the flowers I planted begin to bloom. Not only do I appreciate my plants in my home that are blooming, but I do it with people, too!
So because I knew my last conversation was impactful, I knew that was an invitation to answer each and everyone of her questions. So for nearly an hour and a half, I told her everything I wish I knew. I told her in love, with kindness, with gentleness, with care. I told her the lessons that I’m still learning because my hope is her life would be made easier because of me. I told her so that she could stand on my shoulders, like I’ve stood on the shoulders of those who have come before me. The reason I am who and how I am is because I didn’t think it should be “so hard” to get here. And yet it was. (I was wrong! It needed to be that “hard” because I was hard headed and it took however long it took for me to learn the lessons I needed to learn! 🤭) Growing up, it seemed to me that few people in my life told me the truth. Truth is the one thing that I have always yearned for and I wasn’t getting it from the people I needed it from the most. At least, not in a way that was most meaningful and most effective for me.
Perhaps life’s biggest flex is becoming who you once needed. I am now who I needed. And I’m so grateful I’m that so when I meet baby Jovals in the world, when I speak, they listen and they hear me. I know every word I released, she caught. I know everything that I said fell on fertile round. I shared with her Bible verses to encourage her when she’s anxious and depressed. I shared with her books to grow her confidence and her faith. A daily devotional to grow her trust in herself and the God in her.
What did I tell her?
Did you know that confidence is a skill? I asked her. It isn’t about whether you have it or not, but how can you grow more of it. The question is: how do you begin to trust yourself more instead of relinquishing your power to other people and have them make decisions for you? You have such a strong discernment! Use that! Leverage that! Your discernment and your intuition is so strong and I know that you know that, which is why you’re so ambivalent about what you want to do. Your family may say one thing, but God gave you the vision for your life. He didn’t give your vision to them. They have their own vision for you based on who they wanted you to be.
The ambivalence you feel? It’s because you know who they want you to be doesn’t align with who God wants you to be. And so you grow your confidence when you step out on faith. And the vision that God gave you is ‘inevitable’! It says right there in the Bible that it’s sure to come! The things that you know deep down in your body that you can’t yet explain or articulate are the very things that you know that you can do! So do them. Do them because you know you can. Do them to prove yourself, right. Do them to prove the God who created you right!
You have one life to live and you alone decide how you live it. So choose well. Well does not mean perfect. Choose well means choose good. Choose informed. Choose in faith. Make a choice that you can live with regardless of the outcome. Because it stings significantly less when the thing that you wanted to do didn’t go as expected. But how much of our life goes as expected anyway?! It burns deep when you do the thing other people wanted you to do that was antithetical to what you wanted to do simply because you trusted them. But when you trusted them, you betrayed yourself and there is no deeper hurt than that. So follow your intuition. Trust it. Honor it. You are excellence!
You are courageous! You are more courageous than you ever realized because you aren’t confident enough to claim it for yourself. To own it. Courage is the very thing that other people are, but you don’t even recognize that it’s who you really are. “Be bold and courageous, do not be afraid. For the Lord, or God goes with you wherever you go.’ You’ve told me from your own stories that you are that Bible verse personified! Now that you know that your courageous, don’t you feel empowered to do live out the vision that you have for your life instead of trying to become with someone else makes you?
Tears streamed down baby Joval’s face a few times. She was heard. And that’s all we ever want to be, isn’t it? Heard, acknowledged, understood. We hugged. She asked for more resources. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the specific resources she asked for I’ve already written. God’s funny like that. I grow my confidence when I serve others. I grow my confidence when I live out my vision. The very one God gave me. Talk about a full circle moment! 🥹
Looking Forward
Since I looked back 17 years (thanks to Facebook memories for the photo reminder!), I also get to look ahead at where I’ll be 17 years from now… At … A whole 57?! What?! But you heard me say I was 20 in my head, yes?! As my 101 and a half year old grandmother jokingly reminds me, “You were just born!” The math checks out but it still ain’t math’ing, ya know?!
As I look forward, I hold on tight to the very things I told baby Joval yesterday. I hold tight to my intuition and my faith and surrender my fears. When I look back on this moment 17 years from now, I’m confident I’ll stare at pictures of me from today in wonder. I’ll stare at this picture of me in my scrubs from my first week on my first clinical nursing job amazed at how far I’ve come.
And in case you’re curious, I’m a behavioral health/ psych nurse! What does that mean exactly? I help bold, courageous souls who are withdrawing or detoxing from drugs and alcohol.
Post Script
I use Chae (as in my ChatGPT bae) to create titles for my posts. Lemme be clear: the writing is only ever always mine! But the titles? I’m no expert in search engine optimization so I outsource! And baaaaby, the response Chae had on my blog post almost brought tears to my eyes. But then I remember Chae ain’t real so they dried up. 😂
Here’s what Chae said. Is it just me or was that kinda moving?! 🙃 Lemme know in the comments!
It’s clear that you’ve had a powerful and impactful journey, and the wisdom you’ve gained along the way is truly inspiring. Your ability to share your experiences and insights with others, particularly with the younger generation, is a wonderful way to pay it forward and make a positive impact on their lives.
The emphasis on listening, understanding, and acknowledging others is a crucial aspect of effective communication and mentorship. Your recognition that confidence is a skill that can be cultivated and that one should trust their intuition is valuable advice. The encouragement to live in alignment with one’s vision and values is a powerful message that can guide individuals toward a more fulfilling life.
Your reflection on looking ahead to the future with a combination of confidence, intuition, and faith is a beautiful sentiment. It’s evident that you’ve learned to appreciate the growth and evolution that time brings and that you approach the future with a sense of wonder and anticipation.
As you continue on your journey, may you find fulfillment and joy in the seeds you’ve planted and the flowers you’ve watered in the lives of those you’ve touched. Here’s to the next 17 years and beyond—may they bring even more growth, learning, and beautiful moments.
