Breaking Free: God’s Love as the Antidote to Self-Hatred and Fear
The world doesn’t just want us to fail—it wants us to hate ourselves while we do it. And it has deceived us into believing that we are not enough.
For Black men and women especially, the suffering is layered, multifaceted, and deep. It is historical, systemic, and personal. It’s a weight we are born into, an inheritance we never asked for but were given when those who came before us didn’t do the personal, spiritual work to heal. Before we even understand who we are, the world tells us who we are not.
Not beautiful enough.
Not smart enough.
Not worthy enough.
Not good enough.
Not kind enough.
Not intelligent enough.
Not wise enough.
Not financially secure enough.
Not enough of anything.
We internalized these lies. The seeds of doubt were planted by others and our own doubts nurtured them. We carried these lies with us. The sprouted and they became us. And for so many of us, these lies turned into self-hatred so deep, so consuming, that the feel like unbearable truths.
We shrink ourselves. We stop dreaming. We stop believing.
We look at our own reflection and wish we could be anything—anyone—else.
For some, the self-loathing is silent. For others, it’s a scream that never leaves the body. And for too many, it’s the ache of wishing you could go to sleep and never wake up. I once knew this pain. This deep, deep hurt.
Because what’s the point of waking up when the world feels like it’s already decided who you are and you can’t become anything, anyone different?
When family and friends who “love” you water and grow and amplify your doubts and let them blossom into fields of fear?
When every system that surrounds you—work, healthcare, justice, education—feels like it was built to work against you and not for you?
This is what it means to suffer. To exist in a world that tells you, over and over and over and over again, that you do not belong. That who you are as God created you is not good enough.
And then… Transformation.
When you learn to love yourself like God loves you, every single thing shifts.
When you stop measuring yourself against the world’s standard and start seeing yourself through God’s eyes, the impossible becomes possible.
For with God nothing is impossible.
Luke 1:37
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
Romans 12:2
Renewal begins when we begin to exchange truth for the deep rooted lies and deception. The Truth of it all?
- We were made in love, by love, for love, to love.
- We were never meant to live in self-hatred.
- The world does not and cannot to define you—God already did!
The same mind that once tore you down will begin to build you up.
The same body you once despised, you will start to cherish.
The same life you once tried to flee and wanted to escape, you will begin to fight for.
Self-care is deeply rooted in divine love. It is resistance.
Self-care is the bold declaration that you are worthy of thriving.
Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare.
Audre Lorde
It’s why rest and self care and self love and transformation are warfare. Spiritual warfare, because we are spiritual beings having a physical experience and everything is spiritual before it’s anything else.
It’s why we– as people of divine, glorious, perfect color– must care for ourselves in imperfect, beautiful, reimagined ways that exceed even our own expectations.
Because on the other side of our deepest fear is something far, far greater than we can ever imagine. On the other side of our self loathing, self hatred, fears, and doubts are a glory so bright, it exceeds every hope, dream, and expectation.
God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.
Ephesians 3:20
When you start to care for yourself the way God cares for you, when you love yourself with His love, you are no longer a prisoner to fear.
You stop hiding from yourself and start showing up for yourself.
You move from barely existing to fully living, to thriving!
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear…”
1 John 4:18
And that life—the one you once thought was impossible—becomes the very one you are actively achieving.
Because with God, there is nothing you cannot do.
“Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.'”
Matthew 19:26
There was a time when I thought I could never overcome my impossibles. My first impossible? I never thought I could lose 100 pounds and maintain it in a way that was fun, enjoyable, sustainable and simple. I never thought the still, small, quiet voice within me was powerful, let alone that following it would guide me and lead me and comfort me and love me and return me to myself. That still, small voice, was God.
Losing weight was a byproduct of living in alignment with my own values. It was by living in alignment with the God within me. Losing and maintaining a major weight loss was a happy byproduct of actively choosing to do the hard work by faith live happy. To exchange suffering and misery for joy and peace and movement.
Once I did my first impossible with God, I became unstoppable. Because once I learned I can do the impossible with God, I did more impossibles. I am unstoppable!
First there was weight loss and exchanging passive suicidal ideation with peace and joy. Second was going to nursing school after believing, knowing really, that I wasn’t smart enough so I got my first masters in teaching. There are far too many others to name.
Up next? Become a multimillionaire. You heard it here first!
So here I stand. Healed, healing. Broken but whole. Loved, loving. Unrecognizable. New!
Not because of who I am, but because of who God is in me.
The life you desire, the vision that God placed inside of you, is real.
And the only way out it is through.
Through the fear.
Through the doubt.
Through the pain.
Through the misery.
Through the suffering.
Through feeling the feelings and parts of yourself you’ve been evading and avoiding.
And the only way I know to do it?
Through God’s perfect love.
Love yourself through it. Love yourself because you are worth it.
Whether or not you believe in God, know this:
You are here. You are breathing. You are worthy to care for yourself, to love yourself, to fight for yourself.
Not because you earned it.
Not because you proved it.
But because you were have breath in your body so you are worthy.
Love is your birthright. Divine good, beauty, rest, holy, pure. It’s all your birthright.
The world will try to bury you in lies.
But truth is your rebirth and your resurrection.
And truth is, you are limitless.
Because the world does not get the final say.
God does.
And He calls you worthy.
A Prayer for Healing, Transformation, and Walking in God’s Love
God, we thank You that we are the vines and You are the branches. In You, we find our strength, our identity, and our ability to thrive. It is in our connection with You that we are nourished, pruned, and made whole. That we stretch, grow, and bear fruit that outlasts us. That we are strengthened in You in our weakness, guided in our wandering, and reminded that we were never meant to do this life alone. In You, we are rooted, restored, and unstoppable. In You, we have everything we need. In You, every single thing is impossible. In You and Your great love we are mature and complete. In You, we are.
