Small change, big impact.
I have a chiropractor and she’s sent directly from the heavens. It’s been a while since I’ve seen her because… Well, I’ve convinced myself I can’t afford to have the luxuries in life when I’m not working full time. When I’m not blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda rubbish excuse word vomit.
Hi, my name’s Joval and I’ve been deceived into believing that I can’t afford to do the things my body requires to preserve it. To nurture it. To love it. So I’ll be scheduling a chiropractic appointment tomorrow. You know why? Because I can’t afford not to. If it’s going to hurt my wallet or my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual body, why would I choose that over my wallet? Nah, I’ll figure out the finances.
Hi, my name is Joval and I refuse to cause my own suffering… Anymore.
“Why worry when you can pray?”
Vera Taylor, my 101 year old grandmother, pictured below. Oct 28, 2023
Similarly, why suffer when I can thrive?
We cause most of our own suffering. The overwhhhhelming majority. It’s hard to hear but the truth liberates, so settle into it. Ease into it with grace, forgiveness, love and kindness. With gentleness.
I’m learning to be more gentle with myself since that’s how we’re commanded to be. It is, after all, one of the fruit of the Spirit. And as the the apostle Paul says,
Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:5-7
Well look at that! Me and granny really are on the same page! No wonder she “adores” me so much! Bless us, Lord!
Back to my Chiropractor
It’s amazing because my chiropractor does a swift 45 second assessment, pushing, touching, bending and contorting my body to see where and how I’m out of alignment.
While the first minute is diagnostic, the next several minutes are therapeutic. She pushes and tugs and she has me take deep breathes while she presses and loves my body, and returns me back to alignment to be where it was supposed to be. When I get out of alignment just living my regular degular life, in a few short minutes, my chiropractor lovingly and gently puts me all back together. Puts me back to where and how I’m supposed to be. Puts me back in place.
By living life, we get out of alignment and it is our responsibility to align ourselves once again in order to thrive. To live optimally. To live as we were called, created, and purposed to live.
Trauma isn’t our fault, but healing is our responsibility.
Unknown
It’s amazing how even one degree out of alignment can cause so much agony, so much suffering. So much despair. So much hurt.
Imagine what 5 degrees out of alignment feels like, or even 20 degrees out of alignment or scoliosis or multiple sclerosis or neuropathy or migraine or long term disease treatments. Imagine what all of these physical conditions do to the body, to our mind, to our spirit. And those are just the physical conditions, but what about the spiritual afflictions and their impact on our bodies, mind and spirit?!
But a spiritual chiropractor?! The tug on your heart. The pause in my breath. The racing of my heartbeat to let me know that change is happening. There is a push and a pull and a tug. And a contortion happening that I can’t see but I can feel it deep inside of me. I know. I know it’s happening because I can feel it and although others can’t see it, it doesn’t matter because I know. “Be still and know that I am God.” And I know that God is when I am still. I know that I am God is. When I am still I know that I am. I know.
Sickness Leaving My Body That Was Never Meant To Stay
I used to get so sick. At least three or four times a year I would get so very sick for a week, if not two. And since I began choosing myself six years ago, I haven’t gotten sick! Since I began focusing on me, my health, my wellness. Since losing 100 pounds and maintaining that weight loss, I haven’t gotten sick! Okay, maybe once. But sickness used to be mine and I didn’t know I had the power to heal myself.
It’s no coincidence that when I was pleasing people instead of pleasing God, my body revolted. Regularly. Frequently. To tell me to slow down, to settle down, to pause. But I couldn’t pause because there was too much to do! I couldn’t slow down because don’t you know I have work to do? Don’t you know my work isn’t just what I do, but it’s who I am?! No, I can’t slow down! I have to go faster! I’m not going fast enough. And so began this race. This imaginary race that I was running with no one but myself. With everyone but no one. Thinking I was always behind. Behind what?! I now know that where I am is where I’m supposed to be.
You can’t please God and please people. You have to choose one. And when I choose God I’m choosing myself. And when I’m choosing myself, I’m choosing God.
Peace Be Still & Our Deep Knowing
It’s not for other people to understand. It’s for me to know. And I hope that you will come to know for yourself that when you choose yourself, you’re choosing God. When you come to stillness with yourself or sit in silence or when you go on a silent retreat or when you walk in nature or when you take a bike ride or when you go hiking and climb mountains and see the river and sun and trees, you will see undoubtedly that God created this big beautiful world for you as you see the colors on the trees– the reds and the greens and the yellows and the golds and the browns– and the leafs but falling so slowly, swiftly, gently in slow motion. You can hear a leaf and then when you turn your head you will see it still falling mid flight.
I’ve never been more present. I have never been more present.
“I didn’t know leaves could fall in slow motion!” I told my friend when we hiked Great Falls, pictured above, who responded with, “You’re present and that present is a gift!” he said corny and joking. I knew with certainty that he was right. It might have been a joke but all jokes have truth in them and in his was the truth that when you stay present you can see and experience abundantly more than you ever could when you’re racing an imaginary race, especially one that you’re always losing. Imagine running an imaginary race and you always come out last?! If that isn’t stinkin’ thinking, then I don’t know what is!
Ecclesiastes 9:11 says,
I again saw under the sun that the race is not to the swift and the battle is not to the strong and neither is bred to the wives nor riches to those of intelligence and understanding your favor to men of ability. But time and chance overtake them all.
Ecclesiastes 9:11 NIV
The Message, my favorite translation says,
I took another walk around the neighborhood and realized that on this earth as it is— The race is not always to the swift, Nor the battle to the strong, Nor satisfaction to the wise, Nor riches to the smart, Nor grace to the learned. Sooner or later bad luck hits us all.
Ecclesiastes 9:11 MSG
So why worry you can pray? And why suffer when you can thrive?
Choose gratitude. Choose peace. Choose joy. Choose love and kindness and grace and ease and forgiveness. Choose stillness and softness and solitude. Above all, choose gentleness.
These things are all choices. And if we’re not careful, we’ll continue to suffer wondering why God has forsaken us, but he didn’t. We actually forsook ourselves.
PS- Funny (though not funny ha ha) how I wrote this with ease. *Pause while I search an emotion wheel to find an accurate, appropriate word.* It’s ironic. It flowed out of me like water over the edge of a fall. The first few lines I typed but since I had too much to say, I dictated the ending, which I also did with ease and with greater, deeper sense of compassion and deep care and love that overwhelmed me. But when I read those last few lines starting with Ecc 9:11? When I read my words aloud to my Black writer’s group, the lump in my throat sprung up like an unexpected tornado, forceful and powerful, and tears erupted from my eyes like ash from the pyroclastic flow of the volcano on my dad’s tiny home island nation of Montserrat.
I used to be ashamed to cry. But now, at 40, I know the shame was never mine but belonged to those who didn’t choose gentleness. Who didn’t know they could choose to live differently. Now at 40, I’m deeply grateful for each tear I shed knowing that each one cleanses my heart, my mind, my body, my soul, my trauma, my history. Now, at 40, I know that my tears are a sign of strength and of weakness. Now, at 40, I know, that I am strong and powerful. Not because of who I am naturally, but because of who I am in God. And for that, I am eternally grateful.
It’s ironic because when I write, I know when III am writing and when the spirit in me writes and when I come to, I know I wrote the words and then the words minister to me as if I’m reading them for the first time. Whew!
And with that, I need a nap. I get to be gentle with myself so on this fine Sunday, October 29, 2023 at 5:13 pm, after a fun afternoon of leading 8 energetic, rambunctious, genius 3-6 year olds at children’s church, and an emotionally filling and draining Black writer’s group meeting, I’m gonna grab a snack, close my blinds, and bury myself under my blankets and rest. This is also your sign for you to be gentle with yourself, too. To love and nurture yourself however you want and need to be. Because if you won’t, who will? Be good, you matter. ❤️🙏🏾✨
