That’s not faith, it’s fear, sis!
That isn’t exactly what she told me, but while hiking a trail with my new mentor/ spiritual director/ dope-ass, phenomenal Black woman today, she made us pause on the trail so that her words landed as loudly as my sneakers on the quiet, dusty, pebbled pathway.
“That’s not faith. That’s fear.” And she’s right.
When I don’t take action because I don’t know the outcome, the thing that is limiting me—as much as I would like to believe it is somehow faith-related—it’s exactly the opposite.
The “inability” to take an action, to take a step in the direction of my God-given vision, has nothing to do with faith, but everything to do with fear.
And as I learned recently on my last job, “fear is the portal to God.” When I allow myself to live in the fear, much like allowing myself to live in the unanswered questions, I know what is true is this:
What is stopping me or blocking me or making me pause when I want to walk forward—is fear! Not knowing the outcome, but knowing who holds the outcome, is what I must focus on. Don’t focus on the outcome itself, rather, focus on who I must become and with who I must become it while taking the necessary steps to help me reach my God-given vision, my dreams, my goals.
And so I say to you, I ask you, I wonder:
What is the thing that you hope to do that you, for whatever reason, haven’t done yet? What are you most afraid of?
Can I be honest?
As much as this blog has meant to me, and as much as I hate having to say this aloud—
My biggest dream is being paid for my writing. Relatedly, my biggest fear? Not knowing how to manage all that comes to me from my God-given vision.
And isn’t that silly? Because the very thing that I desire to happen is also something that I am afraid of.
There are some lies that I’m telling myself that I didn’t even know existed until recently:
No one wants to pay me for my writing.
I need to cite more sources.
I need to cite any sources.
But the truth of the matter: Those things ain’t true! These lies ain’t loyal!
That’s not faith. That’s extra heavy on the fear.
Not doing what God says to do when She says to do is operating from a place of fear.
Conversely, courage is taking a step, taking an action– any action!– when you don’t know the outcome.
And faith says “I will speak as though, things were not as though they are”—because I know that as I envision them in my mind is how it will be. Not because I said so, but because God says so.
Though I don’t know what the outcome will be in the physical, I know it in Spirit and in Truth.
Though I didn’t know what the outcome would be when I lost weight, I am now living the life I envisioned.
I surrendered my desired outcomes (losing 100 lbs) and instead focused on the work required to get me there (creating a life I loved).
In the same way, right now, I’m surrendering the outcome and focusing instead on the actions it’ll take to get me there. My faith dictates my work. My work dictates my actions. And God dictates the outcomes because He does far, far more for me than I can do for myself. It’s not faith, it’s favor!
I trust, I know that to be true. That the God of All will meet me on my way to my God-given vision.
That with every step I take, every breath I make, every prayer I whisper or write—God is meeting me there, inviting me closer to Him.
A hymn from back in the day says:
Just a closer walk with Thee,
from “Just a Closer Walk with Thee,” traditional hymn
Grant it, Jesus, is my plea,
Daily walking close to Thee,
Let it be, dear Lord, let it be
And so—isn’t that it?
Isn’t that all?
“Let it be, dear Lord, let it be!”
And so I pray this over me, but also you as well:
God, I thank You for the fear! I thank You for whatever part of me is trying to keep me safe from something that, at one point, used to harm me.
But now God, I surrender the fear. I cast it, I throw it at Your feet—knowing that You will exchange my fear for true faith, that You will exchange my fear for courage, that You exchange my fear for wisdom.
I trust. I know. I believe with everything in me, God. So a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.
And I think I am bold and courageous.
And I thank You, God, for boldness. I thank You, God, for courage. I thank You, God, for wisdom to act, to do, to simply be who it is that You called me to be.
And You’ve called me to be bold.
And You’ve called me to be unafraid.
And so—even though I may feel fear—
I know that I am not fear.
Together we say, amen. And so it is. Amen!
Courage is what happens when our fears say prayers.
We pray it is done. And so it is. Amen!
