How To Build Courage When You Don’t Trust Yourself Yet
Courage is doing what you know you need to do… Even when you don’t know what the outcome will be. You might know what you want it to be, but no one can promise that’s what it’ll actually turn out to be.
Courage says, “I don’t know who I will become when I transform, but I know who I think I’ll be. And if I am who I think I’ll be, that’s enough!”
That kind of courage doesn’t always start in self-trust. Sometimes, it’s rooted in trusting God. In trusting others who have proved themselves trustworthy. Sometimes I trust them more than I trust myself—and because I trust them, I trust what they say: “Joval, it’s going to be good.” And I believe them. I really do believe it’ll be good.
Sometimes that’s all I’ve had to go on. When I couldn’t rely on myself, the question became: Who can I rely on?
That’s why I believe in God. Not just in the God of heaven, but in the God who lives in people. When I didn’t believe in the God in me, I still believed in the God in others. Same God—just easier to see in someone else when I was doubting myself.
And when I didn’t trust myself, I didn’t trust all of myself. And that included the God in me. And then, I started doing the work. I started seeing that the very thing other people told me would be good, was good! And I said, “Isn’t that what God said? Isn’t that what I believed?”
I did the work—and I became who I wanted to be. And it was exceedingly and abundantly more than I could ask or imagine.
By doing the work on the inside, I proved myself to myself. I saw what my faith really was– is! I built trust—in God, in the people around me, and in the God who lives inside me. The God who lives in the world, and exists beyond the world. Can I even say God lives in the world? Because that which lives must also die. And God? God will never die.
So instead I’ll say this: God exists in the world, and God lives in people—because people will die, but God will not.
I’m grateful for courage. Because each time I do something I thought I couldn’t do, my world opens up and expands. Another door. Knock, and the door will be opened. And doors have opened when I’ve been bold enough to knock. When I’ve been courageous enough to become the very person I once thought I couldn’t become.
And it happens slowly—and quickly!—at the very same time. And just when I’m tempted to dismiss the small beginnings, I remember this whisper from heaven:
Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin…
Zechariah 4:10 NLT
So instead of despising them, I honor them. I exalt them. I celebrate them. I celebrate what’s small because God does too.
Because before you can lose 100 pounds (45 kgs), you have to lose 1 pound (0.45 kg). And before you lose one pound, you have to do one thing differently. And before that, you have to make the choice to show up differently.
That’s true with weight loss. It’s true with addiction. It’s true with aaanything!
And just because I’m physically small, doesn’t mean I’m without addiction, struggle, or suffering.
When I took my eyes off of God—the very One who transformed me!—and focused more on the work than the One, addiction reared its ugly head. Because I am simply human. That is all I am—until I remember who I am with God: I am divinity personified. I am God in action.
So yes—be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
If you want to be different, you must think differently. You must renew your mind. Rethink your thinking. Choose to live differently.
Transformation can’t happen when you think the same way you’ve always thought. If it did, addicts and liars and thieves would be transformed by doing what they’ve always done.
But when you start to think differently, you’ll feel differently. You’ll behave differently. And eventually? You’ll be differently and have differently.
So if I could offer you just one piece of advice, it would be this:
Renew your thinking.
And if I could offer you two?
Take small steps. Every small step matters. Because when you do nothing, nothing moves. But even the tiniest of steps adds up. They multiply! And with time, practice, patience, and sustained movement—you’ll see that each of those small steps has been divinely leading you right where you want to be. Where God wants you to be!
But here’s the catch: you can only get where you want to be… if you know where you’re going.
A Prayer for Courage When You Don’t Know What Comes Next
God,
When I can’t trust myself, help me to trust You.
When I can’t see the outcome, remind me that You are already there waiting to receive me.
Help me be who You called me to be– bold and courageous. Give me the courage to take one small step. Most especially when the fear is loud and the confidence is quiet.
Let me not despise my small beginnings, but rejoice in them like You do.
Shape my thinking. Renew my mind.
Teach me to walk by faith, not by sight.
And remind me that becoming and being are holy,
Even when it’s messy. Help me love the holy messes, because I’m a spiritual being having a physical experience and all messes are holy messes when I invite You in with me.
And so it is. It is done. It is well. It is already well done with You. Amen!
