Life is Not Meant to be Lived in Apology

We are all taught to hate ourselves in one way or another. We—Black women, immigrants, divergent thinkers, trailblazers, disrupters, those who burn with an angry fire inside– are taught and told that who God made us to be isn’t good enough. We have been taught that who we are isn’t good and will never be good enough. We are pushed and shoved into the tiny margins, forced to exist in spaces too small to contain us. Our ancestors have burn marks from fires, bruises from whips, and wounds from fire hoses. We have DNA that is altered not by our own personal history, but the history of our mothers and fathers and their mothers and fathers and theirs. We are taught to hate ourselves. For our kinky hair. For our big, beauty, curvy bodies that sometimes hope to hide our emotional wounds. We are taught to hate ourselves when we’re told:

“Be seen not heard.”

“Take up less space.”

“You’re laughing too loudly.”

“Be modest.”

“Cover up.”

“Fix your face.”

“Straighten your hair.”

“You have a pretty face but…” as they scan your body, big and beautiful and full of life and love.

All of these short but impactful responses to me and my body in due time taught me to love myself less and hate myself more. I got worn down. No, they wore me down. Those who hated themselves wanted me to hate me, too. I started to apologize for being who I am. And no more!

Unapologetically Bold: Embracing the Fullness of Life Without Regret

No, life is to be lived instead with the grace. With forgiveness. With casting out the shame that was thrown upon us. The shame that isn’t even ours to carry, let alone hold.

No, life is to be lived instead with the grace. With forgiveness. With casting out the shame that was thrown upon us. The shame that isn’t even ours to carry, let alone hold.

Life is not meant to be lived in apology and so we have to learn… Rather we have to unlearn much of our lives to live well how we were actually created to be by our Divine Creator.

Life is not meant to be lived in apology because who wants to apologize for simply being? For taking up space? For expressing joy through laughter?

Life is not meant to be lived in apology. Who wants to always apologize for taking two months to respond to a text message because life if complex and heavy and full?

No, life is to be lived instead with the grace. With forgiveness. With casting out the shame that was thrown upon us. The shame that isn’t even ours to carry, let alone hold.

Life is not meant to be lived in apology because living life apologetically is hard. It is exhausting. It is belittling. It is unwarranted. It is completely unnecessary. It is not who we are created to be.

Rising Above: How to Live Unapologetically in Your Divine Truth

Life is not meant to be believed in apology because I would rather spend time surrendering. Spend time practicing. Spend time extending grace to myself. As much grace to myself as I extend to those who I love the most and to my dynamic clients and children of God who I serve.

Life is not meant to be lived in apology. It is meant to be lived in the Light of Truth.

God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.

Psalms 46:5 NIV

means that I will not ever fall. I may stumble, I may trip, but I will never fall. “Never say never”… Unless you’re talking about God’s promises.

Life is not full of falls, but it is full of hurdles. Life is full of Love and Light and I was made to persevere when I stumble on a hurdle. And shame and self hatred are stumbling blocks, hurdles. When I inevitavly stumble, will I rise to the occasion? Will I demonstrate enough strength and fortitude and courage and boldness and bravery and peace to continue on? To shake it off and press on?

Or will I shrink? Shrink and play small contorting myself to be less than what I was created to be. To pretend to be three-fifths of who I was created to be when I was born to be five-fifths? Wholeness is my birthright!

Life is not meant to be lived in apology because I am bigger and greater and mightier and more powerful than any of the things that I have done. And making mistakes and taking missteps are but a few of the things in life.

My life is not meant to be lived in apology.

I refuse to apologize for being when I can instead choose to live in the Light.