Finding Freedom: How Letting Go Helped Me Lose 100 Pounds and Love My Life Again

It’s been quite some time so allow me to reintroduce myself!

Hi, my name is Joval and I’ve lost 100 pounds. Wild, isn’t it?! I thought it was impossible, but it turns out that that Bible verse is truuue:

but with God all things are possible.

Matthew 19:26

Not one, not 2 not some or a few, but ALL. Yes, ALL THINGS!

My first impossible was not only losing weight– because I’d been successful at that before. The impossible was losing 100 pounds in a fun, sustainable, enjoyable way… AND MAINTAINING THAT WEIGHT LOSS FOR SEEEEVERAL YEARS!!!

Let’s get into it, shall we?!

All the other times I’d lost weight taught me that… Well, I could in fact lose weight. But to be honest, I haaaated each and er’ time I lost the weight before. In my previous attempts at weight loss, I’d lost up to 70 pounds, only to gain about 75 or 80 back.

In 2017 when I committed to getting healthy (note: not weight loss!) I also committed to living differently. That still small voice in my body that I kept ignoring? The one the world– our families, our friends, media, society– teaches us to ignore, is the very one that I began listening to.

And it’s not just that. It’s that this time I knew soooomething had to be different. If you’ve lost any bit of weight, you know losing weight is “hard.” So, I started changing the way I spoke about things. Dost though know how many hard things I’ve done inna me life?!?! PLENTY!!! NUFF! MANY!!! I’m a Black woman in Amerikkka so puhlease, put some respeck on my name!

So I began a new mantra: I’m the doer of hard things.

I said it often. I said it to myself mostly, and began saying it to other people. Because one thing’s for certain and two things for sure– you can tell how people speak to themselves by the way they speak to others. Because if you raggedy with your words to me and that’s the “nice” version, then I can only imagine how critical your inner voice is.

✨ Step 1? Speak as kindly to yourself as you do to your favorite person. A nephew, a mentee, a partner, a bestie, a fav cousin, etc. Because the truth is you wouldn’t let anyone speak as harshly to them as you do to yourself so like… WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO YOU?!?!?!

So there’s that. And I di-Jo, so lemme bring it back.

Something in me– that sacred, still, small voice that I now know as God’s voice in me which others call it intuition, divine intelligence, the Holy Spirit… That voice?

That voice told me I’d be successful. And it didn’t say it in words. It spoke to me in images.

I saw myself living happy, joyous and free. Liberation wasn’t just in my imagination, it was in my thoughts. I felt it. I saw it in my mind’s eye.

And with that deep, intimate knowing, I was certain that I’d succeed. Because the truth of the matter?

All my previous attempts didn’t work so why not try something new? Something different?

And so, I did.

And I also knew that, as oftentimes say, “hindsight is 20/20.

And baby, I went from wearing eye glasses to not needing them so yeah, run me that 20/20 vision, please!

I made decisions. I asked myself things like:

• What helped me successfully lose weight in the past? My desire to be comfortable in my own skin. To look at a printed picture of me and recognize myself.
• What worked well? What did I enjoy? What were things I wanted to do more of? Moving my body awdy with friends and family, spending time near water, gentle movements, being kind and loving with myself.
• What did I hate/ abhor/ loathe?! 5 am workouts before work, eating foods I couldn’t pronounce or that tasted like garbage because they’re “good for me”, going to big box gyms full of judgmental mo-fos, not having a comeback for people who told me I had a “pretty face” and listened as their voice trailed off while they looked me over from head to toe.
• Things I wanted to do less of and promise myself I’d never do again? Remain friends with Raggedy Anns aka folks who spoke so negatively about me… TO MY OWN BEAUTIFUL BLACK FACE! They needed to cut it, and I cut them when they didn’t. Lovingly so, of course.

And perhaps the biggest realization of them all:

Each time I made it to my goal, I stopped doing all the things that helped me achieve the goal!

✨ Step 2? Stop doing what you hate just because it “works”.
When the process drains you, the outcome won’t sustain you. So quit the punishment path and choose what brings you joy. Love, healing and transformation can feel good—and they should.

Self-sabotage is silly, pedantic, immature, and above all true. Most would say well, obviously that’s the wrong course of action. If you want to maintain something, you gotta keep doing the work it took to arrive.

Again I say hindsight is 20/20!

Because what I didn’t realize is how much when I hated– and I mean haaaated*!– doing something, the very moment the opportunity arose for me to stop doing it, I would!

*I grew up in a household where we couldn’t even say “I hate ___.” because my mother would say “Hate is such a strong word! You don’t mean that.” As a kid, I disliked but when it comes to these things, oh baby I Marriam-Webster Dictionary-definition level of accuracy hated some thangs!

The lesson?

I just knew I needed to not do things I hated. I revolutionized my goals.

When I accomplished my goal and fit into a size 12 jeans at the Gap Factory at the Wrentham Village Premium Outlets in Wrentham, Massachusetts, I didn’t see the inside of a WOW gym after that! Why? Because I’d arrived!

Surrendering the Outcome to Enjoy the Journey

I surrendered the outcome to God and focused on the journey itself.

✨ Step 3? Exchange forcing it with trusting God instead.
You don’t have to chase the outcome when you trust the One who gave you the vision. Surrender it. Show up. Move in love. Let joy lead.

Instead of: I want to get into a size 12 or weight 200 pounds, I instead began to focus on the behaviors that would inevitably help me achieve my desired goal.

I was crystal clear: I want to regularly move my body awdy in a way that’s fun, joyful, exciting, and pleasing. And if it’s no longer fun, I quit! And it’s not that I quit everything altogether all at once, it’s that I quit that one activity and replaced it with one I enjoyed.

A Closing Prayer
God, thank You for walking with me—especially when I didn’t know where I was going.

Thank You for the divine strength and courage to do hard things, and the wisdom to stop doing what drains me. Give me wisdom to do what aligns with Your will. Give me wisdom to control the things I can.

Teach me to hear You, obey You and above all, to trust Your voice above all the noise.

Continue to show me again and again and again and again that joy is not a luxury—it’s a divine strategy.

Help me to continue to surrender the outcome to You and stay faithful to the process.

And when I forget who I am, remind me: I’m already loved, already worthy, already whole.

And so it is. It is well. It is done. It is already very well done. Amen.