Drawing Out Hope: The Healing Power of Creativity
Life really is a “both/ and” and not an “either/ or”.
My heart is so full and so broken at the same time. When I think of how full my heart is, the corners of my mouth begin to raise and a bright smile forms. *deep sigh* And then I think about how heartbroken I am and as quickly as my smile formed, it fades. I’ve said this time and time again and it’s always worth repeating: If I am grieved this much, then I can only imagine how much God grieves.
And I am grieving. Absolutely, I am rejoicing and I am also grieving. I’m holding space for both because this last week was full of both. The fullness of love and joy included one of my clients, returning to her creativity and creating art with me. I am no artist by any means but one who creates art is an artist and I did so, ergo, I am also an artist. My client on the other hand, this dynamic, courageous, bold and beautiful soul is in fact an artiste (so good you gotta say it in French!) who lost her way to her medium. Not that she’s lost, but that sometimes when the heart is so broken and so heavy, we forget about the things that we love and enjoy most. She has forgotten but something in her trusted something in me just enough to begin again, and I am so honored.
Just as the smile crept up on my face so quickly, the water in my eyes also fills quickly. She doesn’t even know how amazing she is. She doesn’t even know how dynamic she is. She doesn’t yet understand and deeply know the fullness of her beauty and her power and her might. I hope that one day that she will but while we were drawing– me the same little flowers I learned to draw in elementary school– She drew a flower that captivated me. And thankfully she gave it to me so I have this keepsake to serve as a reminder.
She is why I’m here doing the work that I do. Because she is me 20 years ago. And sure we were drawing, but of course we were also talking. And that is my gift. That is my skill. That is my talent. That is why I went to nursing school! I had to learn how to talk to myself well so that I could talk to others well. Actually, I learned how to talk to myself well. People who meet me now at my big age of 41 think I was born like this. HA! I scoff at that! But they didn’t know the Joval who yelled and screamed because she couldn’t communicate with words the deep despair she was feeling on the inside. They don’t know the Joval who ate her feelings– stressful, happy, sad, bored, lonely, content and everything in between– instead of confronting them. They don’t know the Joval who was scared of silence so always had music or the TV or a podcast or literally anything playing in the background because she was afraid of her own thoughts and what she’d hear in the silence. They don’t know that I am them. They are me. We is we.
And I also learned, to quote the highly esteemed Lauryn Hill, “it could all be so simple, but we’d rather make it haaaard.” (I hope you sang that run on hard like you were supposed to! No? Check out the opening line of her song here.) And I wanted– no, I neeeeeeeeded and thirsted and was desperate– to find and learn and better understand the science of its simplicity. How can I help others understand just how simple it truly is to heal yourself? Most especially when you’re at your lowest low or one of your lows or one of your bottoms even if it’s not the ultimate bottom. How can I shed light? How can I be the light and help people understand that?
Yes, I understand it’s hard where you are it’s hard and it feels impossible. Feelings are fickle anyhow. But like… Have you seen the things that you have overcome? Have you forgotten them? Have you paid any attention to your history to help you better navigate your future?! Don’t you understand that the hardest days behind you, you have survived and some of them you have even thrived?! And so with a little tweaking, don’t you know that the hard days that remain in front of you, you cannot only survive those, but thrive in them, too?
I had to learn how to do it for myself before I could do it for anyone else. I shouldn’t be and yet every day when a client tells me that I am “a miracle” or ” I am “an angel walking” or that they love me, I’ve begun to tell them the truth. Not to say I’ve been lying to them before, of course! But this new-to-me truth. Of course, I thank them graciously. And then… And here’s the whopper… I let them know that the thing that they love and appreciate about me they wouldn’t be able to see it if they didn’t have that same thing within themselves. They wouldn’t be able to recognize my light if they too did not have and are not light. I now say, “The very same things that you see in me and love about me also exist in you, too!” If only you could see their faces beam as they light up from the inside out! I empower people at every opportunity I have.
Like when one dope young Black woman told me that she did a big chop (it’s when a Black woman cuts most of her hair off to a low fade or teeny weeny afro to return her hair to its natural state). And I said, “Oh so you really are bold and courageous! Hmm, interesting. You know how many years it took me to get to this short haircut? Several! But you you did it in a day?! You’re more bold and courageous than I am! I didn’t know what my face was gonna look like or my head or the cut so I inched my way to this haircut over years!” She smirked because she knew I was telling the truth. She is bold. She is courageous. And personal transformation requires both boldness and courage. Ask me how I know!
The fullness of love in my heart exists was also exhibited by another client who wrote me this beautiful note. Here’s an excerpt:
I know God put you in my path to lead me out of the darkness and back into his light. Your light shines! You saved my life with your support, kindness and love.
a note from a client
Those are some of the fruit of the Spirit. Those are very characteristics we all have when living aligned with JC (you know, Jesus Christ). When we’re aligned with God, Our Creator. Call him what you will. Those characteristics are what I spent years honing and mastering. And perhaps mastering is too strong of a word. Exercising, building, edifying, becoming. I do know that she sees these things in me because they also exist in her too. And she knows that they do now more than ever and I know she knows because she told me so.
As we traverse the path of life’s rich tapestry, interweaving threads of profound joy and deep sorrow, I invite you to return on Sunday for Part Two of the Heartwork Chronicles: The Journey of Healing and Growth series, where I discuss the silent battles we face and the healing that comes when we embrace the courage to seek it.